I know it's hard. Today I started the unpleasant task of taking down some family photos, putting away some of my XWs possessions that she left because she didn't have room, and basically throwing the life we had out. She's got so much stuff here that maybe I should just move and she can sort it out. This was the perfect home we built for our expanded family. Didn't work out to be all that happy.
Oh, but enough about me. Just explaining that I understand completely. It is of no use to look back 12 months. There be monsters there. As hard as it is you have to look forward. You can still be the man she wants you just have to get to a good place being comfortable with yourself before you have room for her again in your life.
Don't take on everything on your "to do" list all at once. Approach it systematically and work on one aspect of your life at a time. Take the focus off of her. She used to chase you...perhaps in time she will again when she sees the man in you that she felt like chasing.
I know...a little vague, but you probably get the gist of what I'm saying. Good luck Ben. One day at a time.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
As hard as it is you have to look forward. You can still be the man she wants you just have to get to a good place being comfortable with yourself before you have room for her again in your life. 
