Mine or Gabe's? I'm sure it was in both. I think that when the day comes when we are only using the pronouns 'I' and 'me', or when we use she/her it's in reference to a new woman, is the day we belong in surviving the big D (or perhaps not on the board at all except to provide support).
But the point is well taken that we should be cognizant that we need to focus on what we intend to do rather than what our X's are doing/thinking.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Mho on the date, I say go for it. But, I wouldn't suggest giving her too many ideas of where you are emotionally on the first date. The venus mind tends to want to take care of the other person and if you open up in this way, she might think you're looking for some sort of R w/her. (I think Michelle (or Harley) refers to this regarding how EA's start)
Yes, the focus for all of us is still on the XW and what they might be doing or thinking or what they said or why or what they didn't say and why hasn't she . . . ?
Thanks for the input on dating, folks. Jo, you summed it up well in an email. As dating following one's D is not too dissimilar to walking in a field of landmines, DBing might just be <gasp> easier.
Bruce, I get you, and I feel the pull of my attention toward her like a black hole. I fight it every day. I need to review my basics of self-care to see what I can adjust to help make my armor a bit more battle-ready. In particular, I need more sleep. I've been averaging no more than 5 hrs a night due to late work and early morn waking. As I can't seem to stop the latter, I need to go to bed earlier. I know that my mood will boost with more sleep, so theres a partial answer...
Why is it I'm always on the same page w/ you in regards to our sitches.
I, too, feel as you do about dating right now. Except for the potential for sex (which I have found to be unfulfilling at the moment, I can't believe I'm saying that ), I am not really craving companionship that eagerly, despite bouts of lonliness. Likewise, I have nothing to offer in return as I am not healed completely. Being patient w/ DB seems a more palatable alternative.
I'm w/ you, brother. Ever feel like the one legged man in the butt kicking contest?
Quote: Ever feel like the one legged man in the butt kicking contest?
You've captured my last year so perfectly!
Ah Wes, don't rain on my parade...I was starting up some nice chit-chat with 2 Russian ladies.
Funny moment. At pickup today, XW ripped into me for being late (~10 min) to pickup S6 to drive him to school. She had a poofy bedhead going, and obviously had just rolled out of bed to get him ready and to the parking lot.
S6 and I enjoyed our convo on the way, then about 1 hr after pickup, XW called (I let it go to voicemail, expecting more barking) to tell me that she was at work and had locked herself out of the house, and wondered if she could borrow my key. Her words, "I came to work in case you did. I didn't know where else to go." I was going to ask her to walk to my office (my class of 200 wild freshmen is in less than 1 hr, and there's prep work to do), but realizing that she was likley humiliated enough to be there, I walked the key down to her office and handed it to her, smiled and said, "I'm sorry that happened to you. Hope the rest of your day goes better." Just light and friendly. She seemed to relax, thanked me, and noted that she was going home to shower.
Way to go Gabriel. You continue to bounce back with a positive attitude.
Do you ever stop and think about how you would have reacted to the same situation Pre-bomb. I do, and its not a pretty sight. We have all come so far. I am proud of myself and the folks that post here.
Go on the date, be the person you are today, be the person you have become. You'll be irrestable. Need to practice some restraint. I would avoid talk of emotional stuff, especially in the begining. Concentrate on having a good time. Good luck.
Great job, Gabe! Nice interactions considering the legal stress going on.
How is the reading of Purpose Driven Life going? I am going to go get this today. It's been occupying my thoughts way too much! (had a comical dream over you, jdd and this book recently!) T
Hope, that is so very true. In the past, I may likely have been frustrated by the timimg, critical of her, or merely amused rather than empathic re her embarassment and own frustration. T, thanks for the compliment.
Interesting. XW returned my key to me with a note of thanks. So here's a person who filed an RO against me claiming I can't respect her privacy returning a means of access to the house. Of course, for all she knows, I may have several key copies. I perceived it as a vote of confidence or a peace offering.
She called me this afternoon to ask me to speak to S6 about his evangelizing of her regarding Catholicism (she has changed religions/churches 4 times since the S - all versions of Christianity). Anyway, I talked to S6 about being Christian and being Catholic, and he seemed to get it, and then I moved us onto a light, fun topic: his desire to get some suspenders tomorrow.
He saw that Martian Manhunter (part of the Justice League, of course) wears suspenders to hold up his shorts and hold on his cape, and wants the same for our superhero battles.
Great job with XW. I think your attitude has helped in her improved attitude.
The superhero stuff sounds really fun. Make sure you do get the suspenders. It reminds me of a funny story. After my dad passed away, my nephew wanted to be superman for halloween so he could fly up and visit his grandpa. After Halloween he wanted a real superman costume, because the one he got for Halloween didn't actually fly.
Have fun. And make sure you are taking your own advice; take pleasure in the things around you, even if it's only a taco.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
), I am not really craving companionship that eagerly, despite bouts of lonliness. Likewise, I have nothing to offer in return as I am not healed completely. Being patient w/ DB seems a more palatable alternative.
Her words, "I came to work in case you did. I didn't know where else to go." I was going to ask her to walk to my office (my class of 200 wild freshmen is in less than 1 hr, and there's prep work to do), but realizing that she was likley humiliated enough to be there, I walked the key down to her office and handed it to her, smiled and said, "I'm sorry that happened to you. Hope the rest of your day goes better." Just light and friendly. She seemed to relax, thanked me, and noted that she was going home to shower.