Ha! Wes, you have a brilliantly natural mind. There are loads of great-looking 18yos in my class, and since this is summertime in FL, they're not wearing much. I am old enough to be their father, yet you're right. As Deida describes, relax, breathe deep, and just enjoy the presence, then exhale and move on.
While I'm sure the girls in Fl are cuter, I was on CSU campus yesterday and witnessed the same phenomenon. Lack of clothing. I have a daughter that's 2, what are they going to be doing by the time she's 18?
Reviewing my thread, we're starting to sound like degenerates.
XW continues to do the MLC stuff - not major, yet still there. Got a tattoo last week. She used to be dead set against that cause it wouldn't allow her to donate blood (not sure if that's true or not). She's registered on at least 3 online dating sites.
During our goodnight call, S6 cried and told me XW was not paying attention to him. She told me she had taken him here and there to play ball but the busy phone suggests she was online checking her ads. I feel for the little guy, but my listening skills seemed to help him feel heard, and he cheered up a bit when we talked about my love for him and the fun we'd have together tomorrow.
Have a chance to go on a date with a very hot 36yo. Could make it a safe lunch/drinks outing. Any thoughts?
Quote: Have a chance to go on a date with a very hot 36yo. Could make it a safe lunch/drinks outing. Any thoughts?
First thought - "Why not?"
If you're ready to date, go for it. You're not a married man, and X is not showing signs that reconciliation is in the forefront of her plans. I wouldn't try to rub her face in it, but this is part of the logical consequences of D. Maybe she didn't think much about the fact that you would have the option to date.
I think it's up to you to decide when you're ready.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Go for it! It will be good practice if nothing else. Remember what you told me about you're friend's thoughts about fish in the sea?
My only opinion is to have better discipline than me up front and let her know where you are emotionally, etc. If that isn't cool, so be it. She'll appreciate the honesty regardless.
I forgot my own advice seconds after I spew it out. What that bit about being careful about mercury levels? Hmmm, be bluntly honest with my 1st dates... Like how brutally sexually frustrated I am after 10 mos of abstinence?
This is an odd place to be in. I'm detached in that XW is likely facing years of self-work (UD, I still like your 3yr estimate). She seems to have moved from the "I wanna be a 20 something party girl", to "I'm not sure about my sexual orientation" to "I'm in a mad rush to find a guy."
Reading the MLC forum and other books, the MLCer progress involves cycling amoung the stages. I do wonder if she ever sits and processes things somewhat deeply. She has been kinder to me, but I get the sense that she's still not truly valuing my positive changes (our interactions are very encumbered by the RO right now). Instead, I feel some sort of guilt/pity mix from her. Although I think she's moving out of her comfort zone with me regarding the possibility that I'm dating now (she sent strong suspicion vibes re my trip last week).
Just wanted to reaffirm that I'm not giving up on DBing, just being realistic about timeline and possibilities regarding reconciliation.
I know what you mean because during that year I didn't see Andy, I only had sex 5 times in the whole year (various one night stands etc) and now in my current sitch, I haven't had any for 4 months.
I hated the one nighter's though. Didn't get anything out of it sexually, felt terribly guilty etc etc. And I think the human mind is more complicated than we give it credit for. I told these men it was only sex so I thought we were on a level playing field, but I ended up in a sitch where I either felt disgusted because of the blatent way I was being used, or they fell in love with me and were then upset when I didn't want to know (I had marriage proposals and ILY's just because of the sex, and that was after 2 or 3 meetings).
No matter what, someone always gets hurt, because someone finds out (like XW, for instance) or someone falls in love when the other person isn't, so basically I think casual sex and casual dating are a disaster unless you are sticking to dinner only.
Of course she got a tattoo. That's par for the course. I think it's written in a divorce handbook somewhere. Both of my X's got tattoos after the bomb/separation.
I'm sure that your son was feeling neglected. She was probably replying to all the ads. The time to do that, I'm sure, really "adds" up. I've used the sites a little and I personally don't find them all that great. But it probably helps to be a woman. I think I'll work on a R with one of those Russian woman. he he
Yes, I agree that this is a time of discovery for your X. She probably wants to know who she is and what she wants. All I can suggest is that you are at least still your happy, friendly, confident self when she eventually falls flat. You can decide then whether you want to help pick up the pieces.
Go on the date. Have a good time. Discover what it's like to be with someone that doesn't bear grudges against you. But, as Jo pointed out, don't sleep with anyone. Just causes problems. And last piece of advice; after going out with her, then be honest with yourself whether you can give any woman a decent chance.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Hmmm, be bluntly honest with my 1st dates... Like how brutally sexually frustrated I am after 10 mos of abstinence?