I had a great weekend. Spent the kayaking trip on Thur and Fri just forgeting about things, enjoying myself, getting lost in the relaxing fun of being outdoors. Had mother/calf dolphin swimming right next to my kayak several times, saw eagle and osprey diving/bathing in the water, had my share of shrimp and Coronas. I realized that its been awhile since I've been able to just destress. Work called me several times about stuff, but I let it go to my voicemail until late Fri afternoon. Went out to some blues clubs & pubs each eve. Nice attention each eve from ladies too young, my age, and older, but didn't really attempt much beyoud convo. Found myself thinking about how much 'the game' has changed and how I didn't see myself finding anything worthwhile in a bar. Realized that others see me as much more confident about women than I feel.
On Sat, went to a get-together for work with ~40 people from work there. Took S6 with me, w/ the kids swimming. Hey, forgot to announce - S6 had his BDay - we celebrated on Sat (X asked to have him on his official BDay eve Fri, and I acquiesced, as I'd have him all weekend). X's best friend, a women likely in late 20's was there, and we actually chatted briefly about the kids (her 2yo D was there as well), but I didn't bring up X, nor did she. She did come over and interact freely, and entered a convo that I was having w/ 3 women at one point, but it seemed relaxed.
UD and Jo, I am adjusting my attitude toward X as distant but pleasant. UD, X is so very angry at me still, but tons of that anger likely has to do with her discovery that she is still unhappy. Yes, I snooped but her anger far exceeds that event. I bumped into a personal ad of hers on the web (I'm just perusing, looking for characteristics/etc.. of women out there - not trying to date yet). In my most objective read, she presents as a very angry, combative person, and I found myself thinking that I'd rule her out if she were a stranger. Interestingly, there was no mention of S5 in the ad beyond the form question responses - different from other parents who tend to go on about their kids a bit.
The ad did get a rise out of me, but it didn't last long. I actually felt some empathy for her, and a bit sad. She chose a front pic with a sad/worried expression. Knowing her, it was strategic, and she is looking for some nurturing. Prayers, DBing and all, I have my doubts that we'll end up together. I miss 'us' still time to time, but I'm feeling more detached as each week ticks off. I need to find a way to use that empathy to become a good trusting friend of hers (UD, I like your comment about staying vulnerable, at least some).
