I agree with Jo on this: " From when you started to give up a little on your R, that's when this court stuff came in. You're more than welcome to disagree or think I'm rude, but I think this has more to do with you and XW than it has to do with S5."
But I have to disagree with Jo in the following regard.
Gabe, I am sorry, I am going to be very blunt here and if you decide not to ever entertain me again, I am fine with it. So here goes:
I would think about this a little more. Let me note that your sitch took a nose dive after your trip some months ago. I feel it was because when you returned from the trip you were not 100% committed to DBing. This led to a negative spiral in your R with W. Your W reacted by ratcheting up her irresponsibility and seeking dates etc., you were hurt and snooped, she got upset at being discovered, and then the sh!t hit the fan. Who takes the fallout? - S5. Sorry, Gabe, I cannot spare you my 2x4 whack for partial responsibility in the mess. Unfortunately I cannot administer one to your W.
Now, your W became and is really, really angry. Listen to what she told you. You cannot palliate her anger by fighting her or by ignoring it. You need to tackle it head on, RO or not. She is trying to tell you something and she needed to vent. That is why she called you. Lots of guilt, lots of remorse. She is even reassuring you that she is not dating. Why would she do that? Is this not a positive for you? I just want to point out that your sitch went off track partly because YOU slipped with DBing. I think that your W is trying to push the sitch back to where it was before this negative spiral. How can you help her get back there? You have two choices, like all of us do: 1. Think the worst of your W and act in fear. 2. Think of her as still possessing deep inside the goodness for which you had an M with her. Act in love. Love and fear do not coexist as Deida points out. If you choose 1 you will protect yourself (guarded as you said). If you choose 2 you will make yourself vulnerable and it is a leap of faith. Only you know best what to do.
Sorry, Gabe, I had to call it as it is.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
