I am back in town. I see that you are still under the RO. Sucks! But I feel that your W is turning a bit from the anger phase. Just staying detached from her and not participating in the drama will let her digest her own guilt at putting this ridiculous RO on you. Her call to you after the RO was clearly guilt on her part. She reacted with anger in imposing that RO after you uncovered her shenanigans upon your snooping. Classic case of over-reaction on her part. Was your W given to bursts of anger like that in the past or is that new, post-bomb behavior?
I am terribly sorry about S5. I cant believe the hurt that these tender souls have to take in this whole mess. On my visit to DC recently, D3 awoke in the middle of the night saying "My mommy is gone, she will never come back". I could not believe that she had the sophistication of thought to say something like that in her awake state, let alone in her sleep! There is a lot more damage to their psyches than we can see on the surface. I know you are keeping S5's interests foremost in your heart Gabe. Your observation in an earlier post on getting back to a better R with your W is very important. This is also very important for S5. The best thing YOU can do for him is to work on a better R with your W, which means doing what it takes to forgive your W and seeking her forgiveness for your action in snooping. I know this is very difficult to do, but that act can turn the sitch in a new direction perhaps? Just my 0.02. You cannot move the sitch in a positive direction, or even the R with your W in a positive direction without a great spiritual effort on your part. Why does it have to be you? Because your WAW is lost right now and will not do the right thing. This route of you setting the direction back into the right path will give you power in the sitch and points with your W. It will also enable you to get out of the trap of negativity caused by the RO. The RO was placed by your W in a misguided act of anger at your (I know it is so difficult not to snoop) incorrect action of snooping. Classic case of two wrongs adding up to big mess. To get out of the cycle you must do something unexpected by your W. What will it be? I suggest a very brief email asking her for forgiveness (dont even mention the RO) and hoping that you can both be friends for S5's sake. I know I am going to take heat here for suggesting this. But it is a very unusual and unexpected move and may result in your W rescinding the RO? And perhaps lead to a better R post-RO?
Do call if you would like to chat. Or I will call soon.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
