IMHO, you need to give yourself complete permission to feel whatever you are feeling. I have learned through seeing my counselor that going through the pain actually heals the pain of losing the relationship. I think it is important that you fully allow yourself to grieve and "feel bad"... It will take time, patience, and a willingness to grieve in order to eventually reach a healed heart. I do believe that the only way to truly feel better is to grieve. I know that I continue to grieve for the loss of my R, (on a daily basis ) and for the closeness that my H and I once shared together. I also continue to mourn the dream of what I thought marriage would bring. I know that this long process of mourning the death of my marriage is far from being over. There are even days I notice when I try to avoid the pain, it creates even greater pain.
You mentioned that your mood has been "angry" in the past week. IMHO, I see anger as being essential for the distancing and seperation process and important for our eventual healing; however, as I have shared on my thread... I am beginning to see that staying angry with my H is my decision... when reacting to this uncomfortable situation he has put me through... In reality, the anger really does not get me anywhhere... To continue to be angry really never gets me the result that I wanted. My anger can actually be used as a defense mechanism to mask my hurt, sadness, or loneliness.
In my opinion, we need to face the feelings head on and allow ourselves to deeply feel the loss of our relationships, and then we will eventually accept what has happened and we can heal and move on. I feel that it is important that you continue to set aside the time to fully release your feelings (ie: journaling, venting on the BB, talking with family and friends, therapy, etc.)... By getting these feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, and sadness out of your body, you will then be able to heal more quickly emotionally.
So, Gabriel... To answer your question: "Am I a wimp or what?".... ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! You are a human being going through the many stages of grief... Please continue to practice treating yourself with love and compassion. Try saying this to yourself: "I accept what I can not change... I live in the present moment and accept what is" Thinking of you, Gabriel and wishing you a restful, relaxing, peaceful weekend! -KIM
) and for the closeness that my H and I once shared together. I also continue to mourn the dream of what I thought marriage would bring.
