Quote: At our age we are not the only ones with emotional baggage. Unless you date a woman in her early twenties the next woman will have baggage.
That might be a consideration for you young whippersnappers, but a woman in her twenties is probably closer in age to my son than to myself. I ain't blind or dead; I notice women that young, but baggage or no, I think I need someone closer to my age than to my son's. It would be strange with that thought in the back of my mind all the time, "She's closer to S13's age than to mine."
Besides, everyone has baggage, even pretty, young twenty-somethings. The best we can do is work on our own stuff.
Gabe said:
Quote: When I think about how complex it would be for me to date someone with their own kid(s), own X, and own hurts related to past Rs, it makes sense that 2nd and 3rd Ms have even lower success rates than 1st.
But widowers do it. There are good people out there who have been hurt by a WAS through no fault of their own. I think at least some of the poor results from 2nd and 3rd Ms come from the people who are into "serial Ms" rather than commitment. STBXW seems in a big hurry to marry the OM du jour, and I can't believe they will last.
There was some need or impulse in me to pick STBXW. I don't want to go down that path again. I don't want someone like that. If I make enough progress on my own baggage, I'll be able to recognize that "need" before it leads me to another R with another woman who thinks M should "always have a way out." If I just blame STBXW, I'll never see what brought me to the point of marrying someone like her.
I'm not saying anyone else married the wrong S. I'm not even saying that I married the wrong W. S13, D10, and S5 are wonderful reasons for having married her. But you know what? Until a few months ago, if she had tried to come back, I'd have jumped for joy and let her right back into my life. By this time I might be suffering through another A, or maybe it would be in time for the holidays, or a year from now.
I'm learning about myself in this. I'm going to be a better man, not for the D, but for that learning. When I can offer myself as that better man, whether a woman has kids or career goals or aging parents or whatever won't be a show stopper. I'll be able to recognize, attract, and be attracted to someone who's worked on her baggage, who values the things I value (like, for example, fidelity), who shares my feelings toward M and commitment. Then we will be able to work together through the logistics.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
