I completely agree with Wes here. Everything that he has said.
I want to actually whack you with a 2x4 here Gabriel. Sorry, but I just have to. And you are not going to like the sound of it.
My friend, you need to stay on the high road and not get down to the level of your W. Do not :
1. Battle her. It will not abate her anger. It will place more scars on her heart. I am sure 99.99% of people you ask about how to deal with the current situation would tell you to state to the WAW your legal rights vis-a-vis your S. Now, this is what your W expects from you. Your 180 is not to bring that fact to her notice. Those are fighting words. And as Wes points out she can view it as controlling. 2. Defend yourself. That will only make her accuse you in stronger terms. Whatever happened to validating (without agreeing)? What is the goal, to make her see that you are right (again this can be viewed as MOTS, i.e. controlling) or to make her feel safe to vent and let it go?
You are in a very critical place in your sitch right now. Your W is thrashing about and you are right in the line of fire. You cant fight her. She needs to wear herself down in the face of your calmness.
I do not believe that you can bring her in to you by fighting with her. You can only do so through unconditional love. There is no other way and it is extremely hard to do and involves a lot of 180's on your part. But you were doing great for a while and your drawing boundaries and so on is not working IMHO. Can you work back through your threads to see at what moment things started to nose dive? Something was working before your trip with S5 a couple months back. Perhaps it is just that your W has ratcheted up her craziness, but perhaps it is something that is impending, such as her move in October? I dont know, but you need to step back from her, and if she gets angry, dont try to reason with her. She is beyond listening right now.
I dont know whether she is going to stop this nonsense for a while,the anger seems to have reached a crescendo. Perhaps it is her frustration with herself because she realizes she is just making things worse with every action that she takes?
Just some thoughts, Gabe. I hope you find a calm phase soon.
UD
The 3 laws of DBing:
1. PMA is critical to DBing.
2. Since drop in WAW's PMA leads to drop in LBS's PMA and vice-versa detachment is critical.
3. Validate to raise WAW's PMA and GAL to raise LBS's.
