Ironic, she imposed restrictions on you but is not willing to follow them herself.
You are still too worried about not upsetting her; I think she is way past that point. I realize it is of no value in terms of an R, but letting her do things like change the locks and call you when she is not legally suppose to without at least mentioning it or acknowledging it, will allow her to continue to run roughshod over you and the situation.
Quote: as it will allow me to be there for her (later when things are less combative) and yet take in less of her emotion myself.
This I do not begin to understand. I do not believe she is going to let you "be there" for her, that is why it is so important to turn focus on you and S.
