Stillalone, no I don't have her journal. There may be lots more that I'm not aware of that she's reacting about, but that is her stuff, not mine. There's been not a hint of threat, coercion, and definitely not aggression on my part, yet X changed the locks on my house (illegal to do that to a landlord, but I let it sit hoping it would help her peace of mind) and has made various off the wall accusations starting in summer 04, when she became paranoid about me leaving her with all our debt and taking off with an OW.
How does one healthily debunk such unfounded worry? If its not too late in the R, via high doses of love and reassurance. I failed to do that - at least well enough, and instead withdrew to defend against her actions toward me. Hence the D.
In terms of me keeping calm, she upset me, but I was calm enough to not engage and to just leave. I don't want her as she is right now, and that has squelched my urges to pursue - all desire for R talks, contacting, etc... are gone. I just want space for now. And I plan to start dating in Oct or so. X has called twice today, leaving messages re S5's upcoming school year. In the strictest terms, these are violations of the RO. I will not be calling her back, but will give her additional copies of the information she requested at pickup tomorrow.
I went to a cranial-sacral massage therapist today, at the urging of my IC, with the goal of helping me to release emotion better. I went in w/ an open mind, and found myself bawling at one point when she was working on my lower spine and abdomen areas. Realized that I haven't felt safe w/ a woman in long, long time. Kind of pathetic on my part, as I know that I helped create that in my M. Realized as well that seeing X as merely expressing her emotion rather than as her attacking me is a much healthier stance (a bit of Deida and others here), as it will allow me to be there for her (later when things are less combative) and yet take in less of her emotion myself.
On a side, my Dad's colon cancer surgery was 'successful' this Tuesday, and he's recovering well this week.
I'll have S5 with me this weekend - Sat morn to Mon morn. Hurrah!
