Thanks for the comments; even yours Kevin. In fact Kevin's is really close to mine. I don't know.
Bruce, at least someone is rolling it around in their head. I've stopped even trying to analyze my own situation; I just report what's happened through no manipulation of my own. I think an unencumbered opinion is probably more valuable than my own since I have a vested interest and likely can't see the forest for the trees. I see both your point and Beth's. But is what she is getting from this little pseudo-married life even all that great? I personally don't think it's all that rewarding, so what is her incentive? Just boredom? Or do I continue to not even think about what it is she gets out of this?
I was thinking about the story in the DB/DR book about the guy that lived down the street or something from his W. It started out that he was upbeat and friendly. Then she spent more time with him and eventually they were back together. I'm trying to envision what might have happened if he got impatient and instead of welcoming the interaction he acted more like "we're separated/getting divorced, remember?" and stayed aloof. Would he have been successful?
My thinking is that I will stay friendly and happy around her, but keep doing my own thing. She will either get tired of coming around or take it up another notch. Although, given the schitzophrenic nature of my relationship to this point, the ups and downs, the physical then no physical, the contact then no contact, it's probably hard to see progress, my perception is that something is different. Before I contacted her frequently and asked her to do things that she agreed to. Now I don't ask her to do anything or at least I infrequently ask. She's doing the lion's share of the work. So, I guess I'm saying I'm not going to rock the boat with any changes. I'll just be patient with how things are at the moment; no relationship talks or physical contact (unless she needs comforting like a friend would provide).
Bruce you asked if it's okay to do the family stuff without the family. Not indefinitely. I guess because the onus of initiating has moved from me to her that I'm willing to see for awhile how this plays out. Ask me at the end of September.
Okay, so here's the updates:
She asked yesterday if I would watch her kids a bit while she went to this thing for school. She came back while we were picking apples, talked about what the school had said, and helped a bit. The neighbors walked by while we were working (btw, the pregnant neighbor looked absolutely beautiful) and I would suspect that she's a little surprised how well things are going with the neighbors and I since she left (they seem more friendly now).
Anyway, her kids wanted to stay so she left by herself. I guess her daughter didn't want to stay afterall so she swung back by later to pick her up. The only other time I saw her was when she swung by this morning to pick up her son.
I feel like there is something there. I keep getting the feeling that she's expecting hugs and is surprised that I don't deliver. Or could be my imagination, but she sure doesn't just hightail it out of there. I think I'll just have to be patient for once and see if there is anything to it.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
