I know what you're saying. And I'm glad you said it. As long as you know where you're at in all this, then it's okay. I kind of see it as you moving on, not holding on to any particular type of hope that she's coming back, but if she were, it wouldn't be an automatic "no" (as of right now). I don't see anything wrong with that. Most importantly because you said your happy. That's what matters most.
Tonight was interesting. I was doing some work around the house and X called. Did I want to come over to her place for a few drinks? It was her parents' anniversary. I walked the dog then went over. It was fun talking. We discussed everything imaginable. I didn't attempt anything physical and left promptly when her parents did. Not much more to say.
Beth, are you coming to see me this weekend or not?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Nothing really new to report except she's swinging by to bring the cat to the vet for its shots. Oh, a realtor called and asked if I was willing to show my house (it's not for sale-I've just been mulling over what I need with a five bedroom house) Here's my questions of the day.
1) Yesterday when X called to ask me over she somewhat bad mouthed that the house had taken a turn for the worse when we got back. Her words..."I swung over yesterday and after all the effort I put into the house I just had to pick up the mess-I couldn't leave it." I said "oh, it wasn't that bad", but she insisted it was messy. I just made a joking MMMmmmmmmmmm noise. What's her deal? I know I'm not the housekeeper she was. Does she want the job back?
What was her incentive to ask me over for drinks on her parents anniversary? The usual...that she's crazy about me but won't admit it? Should I have turned her down?
Thirdly, she's done 90% of the contacting. Should I pick it up a bit?
Lastly, my X's uncle, that I've always liked, is getting separated (and probably divorced). I'm not sure if I'm supposed to know but I was debating calling him to ask if he needed a place to stay for a bit that he could stay in my downstairs bedroom. Anyone think that's a good idea? Ask my X first? BTW, it's funny, but when I asked what her aunt's reasons were for breaking up with her uncle she gave me a little list of things her aunt said. Then she said "he might come off that way, but I know it isn't true". Funny after jumping ship herself that she would defend the LBS. I wonder if she ponders the give up attitude.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: I would comment here but I have NO idea what is going on in your relations with your X and I guess you do not either
Me either. It defies logic; maybe my behavior also.
Get this. X called a little bit ago and here were her questions. 1) "Last year I had these yard people come by to edge. Want to do that again this year? Want me to set it up?"
2) "There are a lot of little black beetles coming in the house." Me "I know. Don't know where they are coming from." X "Maybe you need to have someone spray around the outside of the house." Me "Yeah, probably so." X "Want me to call and set that up?" Me "Yeah, would you? Thanks. Reminds me, I need to call the plumber to fix the water going to the refrigerator"
Odd hunh? Maybe her thing is AOS and perhaps if I want to show affection (if I want to) I should start speaking the language fluently.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
There are, as I see it, two ways to go. One, continued to play married, (which is what you are doing), accepting and offering invites, let her have run of the house, collaborate on household issues, chores, etc, without any of the additional emotional and physical benefits, but also without the daily conflict.
Or, you can completely separate your lives, taking away her access to the house, do not participate in anymore of her families activities, stop all non-necessary communication, not asking for or accepting help with things needed to be done around the house and of course NO physical contact.
She's still playing married and you are still playing in hopes she once again wants to be married.
Or maybe and I guess this is what you are trying to achieve, find some balance.
I personally like the second option. When I was still letting my husband have control, I saw no change. I'm not sure if in their minds, having at least 1 foot in the door makes them feel as if they are still in the mix. Human nature just dictates to people that they should want what they can't have and we women are a different breed you know. So you're there, in waiting, and she really doesn't have to go out on a limb in any way.
What if all of a sudden she really had to work to figure out where YOU were coming from? Maybe if would be good for her to feel what it would be like without Wes waiting in the wings. Right now for you, this is a guessing game. You really have nothing to go on because she hasn't told you what all of this means.
If this works for you than that's another scenario altogether, but it seems to me you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast!
About our date, can't do it this weekend (flying to LA tomorrow) and next weekend I'll be in Chicago, but I am free the weekend after Labor Day. Ya know paybacks are a Biatch, aren't they???
A change in the dynamic might give X a different perspective. I know you really believed internally you were viewing the relationship differently, but your consistent actions are not showing that.
Quote: I know you really believed internally you were viewing the relationship differently, but your consistent actions are not showing that.
That sounds right to me. My actions are definitely not in sych with my attitude. But correct me if I'm wrong here...after quite a few months of living in her own little world, she is suddenly taking the initiative and doing nice things for me. It seems a little like pursuit. I think I could, and probably should, decline more offers, but I'm not sure I want to completely slam the door on her possibly reaching out in perhaps the only way she's currently able. To me, her call sounded more like just an excuse to talk. I think as you suggested, it's a balancing act here. I just need to make sure I do things naturally rather than coming off as playing games, being rude, or shoving her roughly out of my life.
I appreciate your perspectives.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
