Thanks for your comments. A little clarification. I wouldn't have felt any need for physical stuff and only initiated when she started breaking down. I guess you could say it was hugs a friend would give only more of them. There is probably a combination of things that led to her being more "traumatized" by events than she normally would be. The second thing is that I really feel she cares for me and does some of these things out of caring and also holding on to what once was. Gabe, I don't have any resentments or anger.
BUT, I know you're right Hope. I'm not really fully in or fully out. I'm just living my life with her floating at the periphery. I'm actually happy right now and not sure what impact she would have on that if she was more permanently in the picture. I feel like I'm at a point where I can either take her or leave her. I do know that if she showed up at my door saying she made a mistake and wanted to have a more intimate R with me again that I would need convincing before I'd have her back. Oh, I love her, I find her very attractive, and I think we have the makings of a good friendship, but I would be very afraid of returning to what was. Am I in or out? I'm trying to decide if it even matters. If I GAL, detach, and am happy, then basically whether there is any future with my XW is entirely up to her at this point. I will be me one way or the other. I will have to continue to live my life as I need to. I don't really have to make any decisions regarding my future with her unless she suddenly wants to have a future with me. If that point ever comes then I guess I need to do some soul searching.
Does any of that make sense? Do you know what I mean?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
