I wanted to make a quick comment on dating, etc. And I also wanted to see if I could get my name on every thread.
I indicated a while back when I was watching my Xs kids that I made as though I had a date planned which was why I needed to take off. Her response was "good. Good." when she thought I was off to a date. Anyway, this weekend when I was hitting on her she said "I thought you had a date this weekend. How did it go?" Now do you suppose that means "I thought once you started dating that you'd quit hitting on me."? or what? Just a thought.
Oh yeah, I wanted to post a little insight into my Xs mind which may be extrapolated to your own spouses. I probably shouldn't have snooped, but it does kind of confirm my feeling as to what is happening with her. It's an e-mail to one of her friends....(I am so evil, but I just wanted to see if I could understand her. I do sympathize with her feelings)
Quote: I have really had a hard time with finding the wherewithall to talk to you about this. I haven't been myself. Wes and I are divorced and I have had such a low self esteem from the whole deal. The voice inside me has been telling me that since I couldn't do marriage twice, I'm a failure and I don't like to think what people might think of me so I've pretty much closed off to everyone. Everyone... except for my kids and my family. Now that I've had some time to let things absorb, I'm feeling differently. I'm coming to terms with the way things went down and how they ended up and I'm starting to let things go that have been holding me down. I'm sorry. So sorry that I've been so distant but I don't think I'd have been any good talking to you about any of this because I just didn't have it in to do that. I think I'm finally at a place where I can now. I don't mean to blow anyone off and I wasn't trying to, I think I was just traumatizing myself, if that makes any sense.
Please let me know how you guys are doing. I am so sorry I've been quiet. I don't have any other excuse for myself except for feeling so out of sorts. I'm glad that I'm feeling better. I've kept your e-mail on my mail page and I look at your name every day and I've tried to work up the nerve to write but I'm sure it's hard to understand what I'm trying to say. I just haven't been myself that way. But, as I say, I've finally gotten back to being more of myself which I'm grateful for. I think I hit a low that I am not used to... but don't worry, I'm alright! Or getting a ton better.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I know its tempting to snoop, but I'd try not to, as your goal is to show her respect, and also b/c you may run across content that really zings you.
She sounds like my X - who told mutual friends almost triumphantly how she 'survived' the D process, as if it wasn't s/t nasty that she put into play and made happen. Yet, maybe their 'getting better' means being less depressed, and maybe less depressed means that they'll be able to rethink their role in the M probs and perhaps remember some of the good as well. X has withdrawn from key people as well, those she knows have access to me, and who might know my side of the story. Likely due to guilt/fear.
I know. Slap my hand for snooping. It's her fault for using my computer when I still have the eblaster software on it. She might as well just tell me her passwords if she's going to do that.
The thing is that this person wasn't anyone that I was friends with or would ever have talked to. She could have told her whatever she pleased and it would never have got back to me. Actually her friends reply was a zing to me. She said "I understand why you had to divorce your first husband and Wes". It made me mad because she only had my XWs side of it. But obviously she is her friend and felt the need to provide comfort.
Ya know, I never looked at it the way you did...."like she survived the D process as if it wasn't s/t nasty that she herself put into play and made happen."
Well back to work (in case you couldn't tell by my number of posts, it is an extremely light day).
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Actually Beth, I could send it to you in an e-mail and it could hide in your system and provide me all the juicy details of your life. Care to provide me with your e-mail address? But you would be safe if you didn't open any attachments.
So note to self...never open an attachment from Wes.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I already sent it to you. Don't you remember that attachment I sent you?
Actually I wouldn't e-mail the thing to anyone. I used the software long ago to catch my X in her EA when she promised she had stopped. It's still available to turn off and on as I please. I just turned it back on when I was out of town one time.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
