You're so right. It's not grim. It's wonderful that my boys and I are the family. Thanks for reminding me. Perhaps it's a better family than having my XW in it. Especially since I sincerely doubt she has sincere affection for them.
BTW, I lost my composure with the X today. After putting the stuff away, I realized that it really didn't matter if I was pursuing or not pursuing. Because I don't care. I should do what feels right to me. So I called and asked her voice mail if her son could come by today and that all of them were welcome if they wanted. THen the boys and I went on a long bike ride and had a fun extended lunch. She called right before we ordered and asked if we had eaten yet. I said we hadn't and they were welcome to join us. Of course she asked the kids who didn't want to go so obviously they didn't.
She indicated we should do something together so I called after lunch, but she didn't seem as interested. THen later when I talked to her she was at her folks. I said we were going to the movie, but she said "I don't think the kids are interested in that." I basically was sick of it...I said something along the lines of the "the only time I can see the kids is when you want a favor". Of course...not cool. She kind of cut the convo short (obviously) and she said "talk to you later." My response..."don't bother." and hung up.
I don't know what got into me. As I mowed the lawn though I found my happy place and realized once again that life without her is good.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
