Quote: In my sitch, W has a truckload of false pride, and making a latenight phonecall or showing up on my doorstep would be much less likely if she thought that I might have another woman in my bed. Do we proceed with our lives regardless and assume that the odds are so slim that why bother? Or is there a way to move on without hurting such possibilities
My questions to you: Is it really healthy, GAL, and focusing on yourself if you worry that your XW will find out your are seeing someone?
Question 2: If your XW suddenly came to her senses and came knocking at your door would you take her back just like that?
Question 3: If your XW came to the door and you had a FF in bed with you would it really kill your cause? If that was enough to submarine your whole future would you really want a R that was so fragile?
Okay..time to put yourself in her shoes. She suddenly wakes up and comes to the realization that she loves you madly. She wants to tell you so she rushes over to your house only to discover you have another woman with you. Now...she does remember she encouraged you to date...she realizes what she's missing out on and she loves you. Does she just say..."oh well, guess I missed out." or does she become even more determined to win you back. Perhaps she'll even need to do a little self-improvement to become more attractive to you.
I'm just not sure that it isn't false hope to hold off on any other R in the off chance that my XW will want to have another R with me. I've tried the friends, went the pursuing route, the physical route, the trying to overcompensate with her kids route. None have attained my goal, although I do think we were doing okay with the friendship. I made the changes to myself and I'm happy with who I am. Now basically the ball is in her court. She has to come to the conclusion or not whether she wants to pursue a R with me. But I'm not waiting in the off chance she will. It's not fair to myself.
If she really comes to realize she loves me and wants to get back together then she will have to show it. And if false pride prevents her from doing that then I don't want her anyway.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
