The sex issue can be worked on first in some cases. I took the leap towards trying to fufill my H sexual needs first before my own needs. And a year later that was still the only issue being worked on. I was giving and still not recieving jack. So a year later I discover sexual= emotional and put even more effort into the relationship to fufill his emotional needs that he obtains through his sexual needs. And my H thinks we are fixed all is good.
Hello! Not all that much has changed for me. With the exception he is holding his temper more and I gave up the victim role. But that is a big plus for me mentally. So I suggested Sad may want to take the same approach.

Some men, including myself, can hold resentment if they are not feeling loved by their wife. This can lead to many of the problems that some people want to work on before they agree to start having sex. Why can the sex not come first?

Some times the problems that develop and evolve into lack of sex drive will have to come first. After all not working on them lead to the SSM. To get back to a satisfying sexual relationship you may have to address the real issue the one that started the whole ball rolling downhill. Before you can manage to pick the ball up and run back up the hill.
For every ounce of resentment a HD feels I can assure you many LDs can match ounce for ounce. For a HD person I find the resentments started when they felt cut off. When they became sexually unsatisfied in there M. But someone that is not true LD that became so. Does this from resentment as a result of them being unsatisfied with something with in there M. That type of LD person was unhappy and resentful much longer then the HD person.
This may lead to them feeling that the real issue for them will never be addressed if they fix the real issue for HD person. Talk about a cheesless tunnel for the spouse.
Example since I am not sure my wordage is correct.

I am LD in my relationship. I am unhappy. My H is the HD in the relationship for years he did not realize I was unhappy.Why we still had a active sex life. I became no longer interested in sex. I felt that was all her cared about since my happiness or unhappiness did not seem to register with him. He was sexually/emotionally fufilled to hell with me and the issue I had within our R.
I stopped having/wanting sex often. My H became dissatisfied. After a year or so of struggles and fights over this.I let some of my sexual resentment that was building up go and started filling his love tank again. Result my H is now satisfied again and happy. Me I am still unhappy. Again he does not look past his own satisfaction to my unhappiness.
If I ever want to get to the real issues to me I feel I would have to totally cut him off until they are addressed. Because once he is fufilled he sees no problems or issues exist for him si I should have none either. After all we have a good sex life all should be good. Yeah right.
I will not do this I am not more satisfied in this relationship then I was when sex was biweekly But I am allowed more peace. I am settling for that for now.


See sometimes the issue that lead to the LDness in a spouse needs to be addressed first. I mean who wants to be a settled for thing. Great sex life or not. If I read into most of these post right it is not the sex life it is the emotional connection you seek. I do not think you are going to get much of that in a settlement.

Any questions or comments you have maybe we should post on one of our own threads as to not hijack Sads thread.