No one was saying divorce or giving up was exceptable.
You stated that you did not understand what was so hard about continuing to love honor and cherish someone. I simply pointed to what makes it so hard. People change and evolve and sometimes who they change into is not who we want in our lifes. Or sometimes we change and evolve and our S does not or grows in a different direction so they no longer fit perfectly with us where we are even though they may have at one time. One may become very religous while the other is a ethiest. One may fall into drinking or drugs and want to go out partying everynight while one wants to stay home and drink coke and watch the ball game. One may like sex often while the other likes it seldom. One may feel comfortable in a messy house while the other becomes a clean freak. All these thing all these different dynamics are why it is so hard. It does not mean someone was not paying attention to there marriage vows. It does not mean someone is right or wrong if they give up. It does not mean that they did not know what they were saying with there marriage vows. It really means that they did not know what there future held for them. Did you know when you took your vows you would later be in a SSM? Did any of us here know when we took our vows there would be something so dissapointing or unsatifying in our M later that we would be seeking help to cope with it and correct it?
You stated this to Sadfish Did someone hold a gun to your head and make you get married? Did you listen to the vows you said when you got married?
She is in a bad place in her M just like the rest of us. And yes she is the LD. And one of the issues in her marriage is sex. She has a lot of resentment and has reason for it so yes her and her H sex life suffers the backsplash of alot of different issues. But she is here just like us to try to work through things not to give up. And I percieve what you said as insulting not only to her but any LD person on this board. That just because we have issues reguarding sex that we did not understand or take our marriage vows seriously. And then to add insult to injury you stated I never understand what is so hard about that. I do not think people actually know what they are saying when they get married. This statement can be read as you understand but others cannot somehow making you superior. I understood my vows when I took them. They did mean something to me or after 15 years of [censored] I would be gone. I have a great sex life and have the power to make it better. I just have a shitty marriage so in the past have choosen not to. And even though I am LD I am not a lesser person. And I understand why it is so hard and why things get in the way and make it hard to continue to love your spouse. I am working on moving things back out of the way thanks to this understanding. I am sorry I am not being pissy I just felt you implied that sadfish did not take her vows seriously based on the fact she does not have sex frequently with her H. This seems to be a bit condescending to me.There are other issue in a R just as important or more to some. And if those issues are not addressed then nothing gets better no matter how much sex you have.
