Oh, you are so normal! What you guys are going through is so normal!
What you feel about your young children and sex is exactly where most women are! They grope your breasts all day and feel overworked already! It is a season of life that you are going through. Tough on the sex life, can grow apart as many do...while the most incredible blessing of your life has come. Beautiful children!
This is what people talk about "working on a marriage". Making time for each other. Dates. Figure out what works for you. Schedule something together alone. If you don't have a family or $$ for a sitter. Find someone to trade with.
Your H helps you. That is HUGE! Wow!
I think you said neither of you had sex with anymore prior to your M. Right? How cool. I don't know how long you have been married. But your H needs to be taught how to make love.
I read this book...have it..something like "Dummies book (you know those) about the Jewish Religion". Anyway a chapter talks about how some of the boys are trained to be great lovers! IMagine. I mean who does that? Men are not trained to be great lovers prior to marriage ....if they read/see anything at all it is locker room talk or porn. oh yea, right....exactly what women want.
Rather than be angry with him, realize he just doesn't know and probably won't admit it either. The male ego thing, you know. Don't destroy his ego. He needs it.
You have to be careful how you approach him for what you want. Sometimes men aren't willing to listen until they get into their 40's. And it is a process with each decade...they are like wine and getter better as they get older. Don't lose heart.
I know I'm not answering everything here. Can't you find some sort of birth control that will work? Yikes! That can be a real issue. If you are thinking about that it is hard to relax, have fun, and get into it.
You may not have any problems with your hormones. The equasion of young children, little time together, your not getting sufficient "loving" time outside the bedroom as well as during sex, his anger, working....the American ideal that we live in!!!!
Put a priority on your M. Really! Been married 24 years. I made so many mistakes. I was foolish for HOW I handled the issues we had (he was too, but I look only at my responsiblity in this now).
Boredom can totally set in. There are some great suggestions out there so it doesn't become boring. You may have to teach him. Be careful how. I know when I was bored sometimes I was impatient becasue I was horny and I hurt him. Take the bull by the horns so to speak.
Provide music or candles...dress different...do things that make you feel good. Read some things and then maybe share with him what you realize about yourself that you need. Ask him if it would be ok if you could give him a book explaining how you feel or email him or????
Women are the initiators in R. John Grey says...I agree. Don't resent it...realize it is a wonderful thing that we know.
Educate yourself. You are not alone! YOu are not unual. This is very usual. Not doing something about it is usual too...don't do that usual part. For your kids...for your marriage...if nothing else!
