Thanks for your input. I am truly at a fork in my life's road. W called yesterday afternoon to say she was extending her vacation with our boys yet another day. She was on her own vacation for 2 weeks and now took almost a week the boys. She "stopped in" for 2 days in between that resulted in my discoveries, her wanting a D(defense mechanism)one day, and then wanted to reconcile(guilt driven) the next. So I am really okay with her absence. I do miss my boys though, especially after having them solo for 2 weeks. Oh well, I asked her if her position has changed on being 100% honest and she said "NO". That is truly the hingepoint for me. No honesty, no R. That applies to everyone and every R, I thought. She has forced my hand and I feel awful. I am waiting for our face to face meeting tonight before I make my final decision. Unfortunately, I don't see her being able to be trustworthy. Why? She lied again yesterday. She can't not do it. Too ingrained.
This whole thing is breaking my heart. I left work early yesterday because I just couldn't deal with things and was getting very angry. She has "conned" me during our whole R and it has finally pissed me off. The lies are getting bigger and more elaborate all the time. Unfortunately I can't be around that. I wish I was stronger, more patient, etc. but I guess we all have our limit. I hope my boys can forgive me but I don't see any other options right now. I have felt sick since last Friday from stewing over this. She was supposed to be home 3 days ago and then we could have discused it all by now. This hurts more than I thought possible and is a place I never wanted to be.
This board has always been so good to me and I appreciate that. My local support team is there for me too. In fact, they have been quite vocal about ending this R but have not pushed me. They have seen what it has done to me and are afraid if I continue. They have felt this way a long time but I think it has finally hit me. My W and I simply can not coexist any longer. Caring for her hurts too much. Trying to save this M hurts too much. I will always worry about her and hope she is doing well but I can no longer be responsible for trying to help her. First she ran off her good friends and now she ran off her H. Hopefully she will see at some point that maybe it is not the rest of the world, maybe it is her.
I also read "Tough Love" but not the others. Oh yeah, she is definitely an alien, that I understand. She truly doesn't know what she wants but hasn't for the last 4-5 years. I don't know that my heart can take another 4-5 years of "I don't know", I really don't.
