Obviously, strong personalitied fellas trigger something in you and you go on the attack. It's not hard to see why--that appears to be the sort of guy your W has been carrying on with. That would be terribly hard.
It's also apparent that you are not one of those 'macho' (for lack of a better word) type of guys and so you cloak your insecurity about this with words about equality and such.
If it's any consolation, my husband is not an aggressive alpha male either. I couldn't express how much I love him. I would love for him to cultivate his aggressive side but, honestly, I fell in love with him for the very fact that he *wasn't* like the stereotypical blustering dude.
Please don't feel like this is the only type of man who appeals to women. A lot of women, like myself, enjoy more mellow fellows.
What I don't enjoy is a doormat yes-man no-opinion-having passive limp noodle.
I would encourage you to look deep inside yourself and try and pinpoint the qualities that your wife would like to see more of, and get to work on those. Do a 180 in real life and surprise her.
I'm sorry that she's red flagging you. What a mind spin. Hope it all starts to level out and that she pulls her head out soon.
