My wife used to tell me the same thing, years ago. But then when I'd do those things (and still no sex), she'd say that "you're only doing those to get sex."
There's no doubt that there can be real resentments that build up within a spouse when you don't fill their love tank with the types of things that are meaningful to them, but it also seems true from this board that such a complaint can also be a smokescreen.
Either way, it's good that you're talking openly and calmly about it.
