Not sure where to begin

[NNP1965]

Thanks for asking nm. I'm sorry to say, not very well.

I am really floundering with trying to GAL away from my family. Especially with the things going on with my mom, I really feel overwhelmed. We are going home next weekend and I will be staying for a few extra days to help my sister care for my Mom.

I enjoy doing things with my H and my kids. I really have no desire to be away from them in the evenings. I know that is not how I am supposed to feel but I am having trouble thinking of something that I want to do with out them.

One voice in my head says stop looking for trouble and enjoy the relationship H and I have now, but the other voice in my head keeps reminding me of how my H has been in the past. I really do see signs that he is maybe ignoring how he feels. (?) Not that we talk about it (heaven forbid we should ever actually talk about anything ). He has made a decision to stay here because "of committment and our boys", but I also want a happy healthy marriage. Maybe I am asking for too much.

I am the queen of "acting as if". I have always done that. I think in my case it might not be all that healthy.

I am sorry I am rambling and really not making much sense, am I?