Not sure where to begin

[NNP1965]

Not sure why, but I am very "blue" today. H went to a Buddies house for a bit and I am almost glad to have some time to myself (well with the boys).

H did a very irresponsible thing last night and I was angry at him. But I find myself not being able (afraid) to express anything negative to him. How long can that go on? It does not seem healthy.

[rottzilla]

The acting 'as if' did not seem healthy to me either, in the beginning. But I looked at it as me not imposing my anger on my H. Instead, I learned to own my anger. I explored it, found out why I felt that way... And that actually made it easier to just swallow it momentarily for review later. Hey, I even learned a few things about myself.

I like your goals. They are action oriented, and obtainable. Good luck!

When you are angry, try to figure out why. Not "he did something bad" but rather "why does that bother me." Maybe you will discover something about yourself you can change, or at least recognize.

One thing I did discover during my journey was that I don't "own" the other person. Even though I never thought of myself as owning my H, I did sometimes act that way.

[NNP1965]

I figured I should get back here and update this thread. Sorry I have not been better about it.

Goal #1 (for me)
Going to the gym. I have not done as well with this goal as I hoped. My boys started football practice this week and they practice every night! I thought I would go to the gym during this time, but H has insisted every night that I go to watch practice. Nice that he wants me there, but gives me no time to myself.

Goal #2 (for us)
Making time alone for us.
I have done better at this. Tonight I suggested I drive the van to practice and he ride the Harley, then during practice he and I can slip away for a ride. Then he can take one of the boys home and I can take the other and all the equipment.

I did find a sitter for Saturday night and I am looking forward to that!

...and I have been very creative in the bedroom lately (if ya know what I mean)

Goal #3 (issues)
van is a mess
Did pretty good here, the van is clean and has remained relatively so for the week. Gotta keep up with this one.

I mentioned on my thread in Newcomers that my Mother is ill. I may have to go home and I resent it even crossing my mind that DH will have lots of time to "do what ever he wants" on his computer while I am gone. I should not have to worry about such, but it is my reality. I have to forget it thought and concentrate on my Mom!

Well now I better get back to my goals and start coming up with some new ones.

Thanks for reading if anyone is there

[slowly]

Hi Sara - Yeah, we are here

Sorry to hear about your Mom, but hey, you need to lose that resentment You know whether you are there or not H will do what he wants to, right? Sounds like you have made great inroads with those goals though.

but H has insisted every night that I go to watch practice. Nice that he wants me there, but gives me no time to myself.

How has his approach tou changed since you have been going to watch practice every night? Has doing this brought you closer to your long term goals?

Slowly

[NNP1965]

yeah slowly, I know losing the resentment is something I have to work on. That is my biggest goal for right now.

Things seem very good between us. Having a little time in the evening to go to the store together (or whatever) alone is really great. We have never done much without our kids, so this is a 180 for each of us kind of.

[slowly]

Hi Sara - How's your Mom? Just been thinking about your goals

Goal #3 (issues)
van is a mess
Did pretty good here, the van is clean and has remained relatively so for the week. Gotta keep up with this one.

What effect did this have on H?

Slowly

[NNP1965]

Slowly, thank you for asking. Mom is doing better, she is home from the hospital now. So that makes her happy. We found out last March that she has a brain tumor and it seems the end is not far. I was home with her two weekends ago and will be home again for labor Day weekend (if not sooner) and I am trying to work it out to stay that whole week. This is the worst part of being away from home.

As for your question, H has not made mention of it and I did not point it out to him (also a 180 for me ). We will be using it tonight to go to the concert, so maybe he will say something. If not, that is okay too.

We have a crazy busy day today, and that usually stresses him out really badly. So my goal for tonight is to just have an awesome time as a couple! I am not going to obsess about leaving the boys. They are 11 and 9 and we have just never left them much with a baby sitter, but I know this will be fine. Actually the boys are thrilled to be getting rid of us for an evening! ROFL

[NNP1965]

We had a great time Saturday night!

Things have been going along pretty smoothly. Then today I came home and he was in a horrible mood. He went downstairs after snapping at me, so I just let him be alone. Eventually he came and apologized and said he had had a very bad day at work and was sorry he had been so grouchy.

I left then to take S11 to football and came back to make dinner. H and S9 went on the motorcycle to watch football practice and I am going to head over there after I type this.

I realized this weekend that I need to get serious about GAL of my very own! H really expects us (as a family) to do everything together, unless it is something he does on his own like hunting or playing cards with the guys. That is all well and good, but when he does those things the boys are with me. I am going to have to come up with some things to get me out of the house sometimes too. Any suggestions?

Still trying to get on a regular gym schedule. It is a real effort, but I am determined to do it!

I have a question, but not really sure how to ask. I hope this comes out right. When is the right time to approach volital subjects? Is there such a thing or do I just plan on living the rest of my life tip toeing around in this marriage? Which I will do if that is what it takes to save it.

[_A]

Well, it sounds like right after work may not be the best time.

Is there a time when you are out together with the kids? Like perhaps watching the kids at the park or something? That would be sort of a neutral location and, being public, ought to keep strong emotions pretty much in check. Just a thought. Picnic shelter at the park worked well enough in my situation the other day.

[NNP1965]

I have given this some thought today AZen, I think that might be a good idea. Both boys have football practice tonight and we will be there together watching them. I will try and bring something up tonight and test the waters. I need to address some issues about our trip home next weekend.

Thanks for your input.

I have also decided that I need to read the book again. I am not doing the things I need to be in order to effectively DB. It is easy when things "seem" good to get side tracked and I do not want to let that happen.