The acting 'as if' did not seem healthy to me either, in the beginning. But I looked at it as me not imposing my anger on my H. Instead, I learned to own my anger. I explored it, found out why I felt that way... And that actually made it easier to just swallow it momentarily for review later. Hey, I even learned a few things about myself.
I like your goals. They are action oriented, and obtainable. Good luck!
When you are angry, try to figure out why. Not "he did something bad" but rather "why does that bother me." Maybe you will discover something about yourself you can change, or at least recognize.
One thing I did discover during my journey was that I don't "own" the other person. Even though I never thought of myself as owning my H, I did sometimes act that way.
