Sorry to slam you on the gifts, I understand the thought, but it just seemed like going a little overboard w/emailing her on the rose. I'm a sucker for giving gifts also, I still want to buy ex a cycle magazine every time I go to the book store! I haven't done that lately, but if I slip and buy one, it goes in the closet for now!
Letting go is hard. But look at it from a different perspective: you are letting go of the old R. The one where she doesn't want to be w/you. Then work on a new you. The steps of letting her make contact, ignoring to build curiosity and getting your stuff back will help. Don't necessarily think of this as a LR, but as a need to pull yourself back together. Put your heart into GAL. Eventually it will feel right.
And yes, the w/e are difficult. Start making plans for the upcoming one! It's labor day, so there must be s/t to do to keep from focussing on her.
I would stop with the emails for the time being. I use to do that with XH, but after many, many unreturned ones, I stopped. I can only assume he was seeing it as another way of me putting presure on him.
I know what you're going through is hard, but it does get better. Even though XH and I are back together and working things out, once not that long ago, I was where you were at, except I didn't know about this place.
Just because you're moving on with your life with out you W doesn't mean you're giving up hope of a R one day. It means you're doing what you need to do to have a life again. That's the most important thing here. I think most of us while in a R became too much of that other person, it's not healthy. Now we need to get healthy and become ourself. You can do it.
If she emails you, respond as needed. If it's about something that needs attention, then answer her. If it's just "hi" then wait a little while. But you should not send her anymore, especially the just "have a nice day ones". Even if she doesn't see that as presure on her from you, it might get her to wonder why they've stopped. (Please remember these are just my opinions, and what worked for me, may backfire for you. You have to follow your heart.)
Following my heart has been to ignore everything on these BBs and the books. I would like to write her and tell her it hurts to much to hear from you. Not because of what she says, it's the things not said. It's the knowing I can't call when I want.
I'm sure I can write a lovers lament following my heart but it is more of the same that hasn't worked.
Jak466
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
I think I am going to follow your sitch when I get to read it. Been a little busy here at the F.D. I like what you have to offer and From what I have gathered, you and your XH are back together.
Jak466
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
Write it then put it away, then go dark to give yourself time to get back on your feet. Have you ever just given her complete space to at least consider the possibility that you are gone forever? I'm mulling that options myself.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I am going to do that know. I have to go longer than I have in the past. I will call her to get the last of my things this week or maybe not even do that and just shut down.
What do I say when I finally talk to her though? Just given you space? Didn't want to bother you? You divorced me, go screw yourself?
Or just paly it cool like Iv'e been to busy to contact you. When do you know when to respond?
jak466
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
I think getting your stuff is fine. It really doesn't matter as far as the R goes.
I agree w TJ about your e-mails to W. They do seem depressing and pressuring but I think you got that now. As weird as it seems, the worst thing you can show W that you are sad and lonely and angry.
I do think backing off is a great idea...especially to give yourself time to collect yourself.
That reminds me of a story I read on this BB. I don't know where, but I'll try to give you a brief synopsis.
It's about a spoiled, selfish child that badly misbehaves (WAS'). This child goes on and on and on displaying his bad behavior and the parents (LBS') keep yelling at him and punishing him. He continues because he gets attention, albeit not good attention. One day the parents get fed up and walk away and ignore the child. The child does not turn away from them...he comes running back, crying and screaming for attention, promising to be good. Get the idea?
When/if W contacts you after going dim (I wouldn't recommend total darkness, because you have a good rapport w W), just say how you've been meaning to contact her but you've just been so gosh darn busy GAL (fill in blanks w GAL activities). BE happy and glowing. If you can't fake that, you better go do something that makes you happy!
As weird as it seems, the worst thing you can show W that you are sad and lonely and angry. 