I think Tessa's right when she says "just enjoy" the contacts you have with ex. It seems that even monitoring baby steps has to be done in a clinical manner: "Observe. The XW has initiated contact over the last 168 hours exactly 3 times. It appears to follow periods of the LBS's non initiation of similar contact" instead of "OK! She called me three times this week!" as expectations feed into hope and fuel the desire for more.
I am really thinking about telling her I can't do this. I care to much to just be an occaisional friend when she feels like it. But I am also afraid that she will say OK. Then I have nothing.
I doubt she'll say OK and mean it. She might say OK out of understanding that the contact is hurting you and from not wishing to hurt you further. On the other hand, she might balk because she may not want to lose you from her world. You still mean something to her, and she misses that. My ex says the very same thing, "I miss you... sometimes". I think that qualifier "sometimes" is stuck in there so as to not promote false hope. Not really promising? Don't know... consider that the opposite of care and love is indifference, and someone who misses another, even sometimes, isn't being indifferent. Why is it then only "sometimes"? Besides not wanting to get your expectations up, maybe it's because they're not always in a circumstance where they reflect and subsequently feel the loss. I read these posts where the WAS realizes what they're missing only when they experience periods of being alone: when there is no OP around to divert their attention, be it that there is no OP or their OP is away, or they are realizing that the OP's grass isn't greener and starting to have moments where they feel 'alone' in the relationship leading them to think upon their circumstances.
