Hi Jak, from a neighbor east of you!! Thought I had posted to you be4, but guess not! Have to catch up w/all the things I meant to say.
From your other thread:
Quote: She is taking me in for surgery this thursday. I haven't seen her since I told her I knew she was dating someone. Little nervous about this. I think after the sugery, I will go as dark as possible. I feel I am just ripping the band-aid off the wound every time she sends me a scrap of hope. I will see if that has an impact.
Is there anyway that you could find some1 else to take you? Any type of medical work is enough stress, why put yourself through worrying what to talk about and such? I'm sure she means well by offering to drive you, but it isn't what you need right now. Take care of yourself and don't open the wound up until you're ready.
Now, if there really isn't any other choice than to have her drive you, NO expectations.
Quote: I am not sure if I posted part of a recent email on this thread, but she did sign off, talk soon. Maybe she has something for me on the day of surgery that she is willing to talk about. No matter if it is good bad or indifferent, it will be good to hear her say something.
'talk soon' I used to get the 'see you later' when I was dating my x years ago and I always took that literally, planning a nice dinner just to have him not show up or call! And he signs most of his emails 'talk to you soon' and yet never does. I'm not trying to beat you up here, just want you to see it for what it's not! Just like when you meet an old friend and they say, 'how've you been' - it's just a casual greeting. Whenever she is ready to 'talk' she won't say it as such in an email.
Quote: She doen't initiate anything right now and I hope that will change SOON.
It won't happen soon. Unfortunately, this takes time.
Quote: I think the biggest issue I am having is knowing she is seeing another. I knew it was inevitable. I really thought I was mentally prepared for it and them BAMMM! You see someone else in your garage and know he looks better than you because everything is new. The quarky things they do are viewed as funny or charming were your quarky things have become an annoyence. New views, and flying high because everything is going their way. And here we sit, second hand, with our flaws, and not on a roll because the hole we have were our chest use to be is big enough for a mack truck to slide sideways through you.
Whoa, slow down that truck! We have flaws, BUT so does the OP! The newness does wear off, and I'm sure she has flaws also. I overlooked a lot of my h's flaws over the years, but now I just sit and wonder what his ow thinks of them! (the flaws are major enough that I know he hasn't corrected them yet!) And I am currently in a semi-dark position w/him. It does hurt to think about what they could be doing, but I won't allow it in my life right now. Why open that wound up? Work on your life, do the things you like to do and try new stuff. It may not seem like fun at first, but eventually you won't be focussing on her sitch the whole day and maybe have a few minutes here and there of happiness. Build on that. Be all you can be for yourself.
Sorry to make this so long, take care and good luck in surgery. T
