What is she saying?

[jak466]

I have a delema. My EW said I am always wanting things verses needs. She has a point. I told her I like to dream. I also said to her that if the dreams don't happen, I may be disappointed but I don't get upset. Well, I have wanted a motorcycle for a while and most of the firefighters at my station have them. My EW liked the idea of having one some day but she is a cpa (certified puplic accountant)and I believe if I got one now, she would see it as wasteing money on a want verses a need (as I am renting and not looked into a new home for myself). I agree with this but also see getting one as an opportunity to get out with others and do things rather than sit and dwell on my misery.

I looked into a home(mobile) with lake access about two hours from were I work. I always wanted a cabin and the wife knew it. I really was looking at it as my perminent residence but the drive is just too far and being a mobile home not on a slab, it was considered personal property and I coulden't get the loan for it anyway. When she found out about it, she saw it only as a cabin aspect and assumed I was dreaming again. She let me know she was not happy that I would be looking at something like that. I expalined to her that I was thinking of making it my perminent residence but couldn't get the loan anyway and I was really just looking to get the "F" out of the area.

Something else weighing heavy on me. I have never told her of the things she did in our marriage that hurt and bothered me. I am dealing with those thoughts these days as all my corespondents to her have been to the positive side of what we had and could achieve if we both worked at it. I really tried to not put blame on her for our sitch in my writings and have admitted I have plenty of shortcommings. I really need to vent it out but don't feel just writing it for myself is doing any good.

Burgbud. thanks for the advice.

Jak466