I know I am not the only one to go through this and I have read some great advice in the Do's and dont's. Wish I had read that before I sent those emails to my XW telling her how much I care and miss her. We were together 7 years and I moved out in Feb and our D was final in April. We have been getting along well enough since May and we were keeping things light. She had invited me over a couple times and I went and we had a good, friendly time. Unfortunately, I found out she has been dating someone. I told her I thought I was prepared for that mentally but it appears I still have a jealous streak and I know we are divorced and she has the right to do it but it hurts like hell. She cried and told me she was sorry and didn't want to hurt me. That lead to a big conversation about what went wrong in our marriage and I got the same laundry list of problems most of us on this site have heard. Basically, I didn't change. She also said at the time, she thinks of me every day and misses things I did but says it's too late just like when we were first going through the divorce. That is when I started in with emails about us again and know I have been pressing hard. Bigger mistake. I found a section in a book called avoiding unnecessary divorce and sent her a copy of it along with a letter saying I am not blaming her for the divorce and I knew I had done my fair share to add extra stress and pressure on the marriage but the pattern of explained in the book was exactly what happened to us.

I have posted the last email I received from her. I know what she is saying but I am not sure I understand what she is saying. Big Difference. I can't tell if she is saying I am keeping an open mind but I need some time right now or just leave me alone. Not to mention, what could she feel she lost? It was her choice to end counseling and get the divorce. In my opinion, and I wouldn't say it to her, but you can't lose what you chose to give up.


Got your message this morning. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore. I try to be nice and get along with you, only to be pressured about talking and meeting for a casual visit, etc. You say it's not to get back together, only to be 'friends,' but then I get an article in my front door about preventing unnecessary divorce. Do you really think that's helping anything? When I ask you to back off a little and give me time, you get mad and act like it's my fault that you feel like a fool and embarrassed. I don't ask to be guilted about our relationship, past or present, and I don't really need it. It makes me feel the same as it did when we were married.

You don't seem to realize that you're not the only one who lost something here. I don't know what the future holds for us, but being pressured about it doesn't do either of us any good.

Please, be patient.

Thanks.



I am running through the peaks and valleys of this D and am finding it hard to get out of the valley. I know all the clichés about I am a good person, do for yourself right now and don't let her know your hurt but I am struggling. It's been six days since I last had contact with her and it feels like months.

Anything anyone can add would be of comfort.

Thanks

Jak466




State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?

Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.