Koshka, thanks for the insight. I think S. very much wants to be involved with the development of the baby - he just has so little time outside of working on the house and R talks with me!
Last night's events made a big repair in our rift of late. The WOA man, I am learning, needs to be sprinkled with a generous helping of QT. Last night after dinner, he needed to go back to the house to do another coat of plaster (thank GOD he started the plastering!), and I was going upstairs to get ready for bed and go in my room to sit in bed and read, he called up and said "Bye, I'm going! [then quieter] You can come over and check on me if you want." So, I thought about it a few minutes, looked longingly at my bed, and put on some shoes and went over to the house to sit with him while he plastered.
When I got there, he was mixing the plaster in the parlor floor apartment, and after a few minutes of not talking (he was concentrating and quiet), I said I'd be back, that I wanted to go upstairs to our future apartment and look at the deck (where he had taken some of our tomaoto, cucumber, and zucchini plants from the ground floor apt). He said, "But you'll miss the dramatic part! I'm about to start the plastering!"
And then and there I learned that he wanted me to sit there with him and watch, to validate, to see how skilled he is. And I had to smile to myself - such a little boy way he said it. So I stayed and watched and punctuated with appropriate ooohs and ahhhs until I felt it was safe to take a breather from the dramatic plastering and go upstairs for a few minutes.
Hours later, when we had cleaned up and come back to my house, he said he was feeling "really close" to me, gave me a massage (the first in at least a month - usually he asks if I'm stiff or my back is sore and then suggests something that I can do to mitigate it knowing full well that I would want a massage - and I haven't felt very comfortable asking for one lately), and snuggled up to me, saying how nice it was to have my company, that it must have been boring for me but that he really enjoyed having me there.
Reminds me of when my artist cousin was living at my house for a few months and he always wanted me to sit and watch him paint (which was actually quite interesting, and I learned a lot), and was 20 times more productive when I did sit there with him.
Does anyone else have any experience with this? Is this motivational hand-holding, or QT, or what? I don't mind doing it, because actually, back when I had a TV I'd ferment in front of it all weekend and watch Bob Vila, Norm Abrams, Steve Thomas, and Roy Underhill in action. Nothing gets me going quite like a good home improvement or craftsman's show. But I find it interesting that he (and my cousin, and I'm sure many others like them) want someone (me) to sit there and watch as they work (would I ever want someone to sit there and watch me while I develop a grammar focus box for the subjunctive or write an activity that develops the ability to identify referents? uh, noooooo).
But of course I'm willng to do it when I have time, because it brings us closer (and I can point out all the spots he made a plaster clump - ha, just kidding, Stubborn!)
No more word on the e-mail. He is supposed to be crafting the one he is to send her - somehow the urgency is gone now that she's written him. I guess we'll see what turns up in T.
I've got to get some work done - anyone want to watch?
and go upstairs for a few minutes.
