Well, S. came and apologized and we talked it through. We M'd and I even ventured into V'ing, and we both felt heard in the end.

Today's T was intense and difficult. It's too much to type it all out right now, so I need to cobble together some thoughts (and excerpts from e-mails to H2H ) in order to remain on the sound side of psychological well-being.

S. read the e-mail after T (which is what I expected - he was waiting until after T to deal with it). He went to work today and I will not see him until late tonight, so I don't know when the big D (as in disclosure) will happen, if at all.

The Cliff's Notes to the Cliff's Notes version of the outcome of T is that he is going to craft an e-mail to her asking her to respect our no-contact agreement and not to contact him, either, until further notice. I am to work on it with him after he drafts it. This, unbelievably, was his idea.

I think it will be brilliant, given her last e-mail, as a response to it. I'd like it to say something like

I'd like to make it clear that Jennifer and I have an agreement that there will be no additional contact with you until further notice. I want you to understand very clearly that I am focusing on my relationship with Jennifer and our family, and I'm asking you to respect the boundaries that I have chosen to erect. My goal is to heal the wounds in our relationship and rebuild the trust that I shattered by being involved in a relationship with you while in a committed relationship with her. I love her, not to mention she's a lot prettier and smarter than you. So sod off.

OK, maybe not that last part, but I feel my skills waning when I try to write something that is so sensitive to me. Any ideas? I'd like to be as articulate and focused as I can be, as well as able to insert the necessary stern tone (without seeming controlling). Of course, I'll have to work with what he writes. I'm not sure what I'll do if he comes back with some lukewarm, halfhearted garbage. But I'll cross that sewer line when I come to it.

More to come about T, which revealed all kinds of stuff (and nonsense), and which was something I think I need to sleep on before I elaborate.

Thanks, friends, and any input into the big heave-Ho is appreciated.

shameless plug for my NEWEST thread