Sorry to hijack here… but your previous post there led me to think about something, and I need some feedback on it.

I have to just mention here, that this post is about sex (rather… the lack thereof), so if you don’t want to read it, I understand (no details, blatant or overt mentioned however). My W was never really willing to ML (or “fool-around”) with me practically the entire time were (are) married. We would generally only have sexual contact maybe once every 2 or 3 months… and definitely not now for over 7 months! I would pout (NOT adult) about it, and eventually have a conversation about. She would state to me, that why would I want to make her do something she didn’t want to do. I asked my T about this, and he said that I should have respected her boundaries… that I should not have pouted (I agree with that)... that I should have just accepted it for what it was (I am not sure I truly agree with that). I feel that there are things that we do (or stop doing) for our S because we love them.

However… your post got me thinking about the 5LL book (I am still reading it, but missed the quote you said came from there (whether actual or sort-a-like-it)) and that quote:

“I’m just not feeling it, and I can’t just do something I don’t feel.”

Is the scenario I posed about something that should be one of those things you “feel” or not. And… if not, then it will cause me to have to reevaluate if my W really loved me or not. Part of me, however, thinks that part of it comes from ignorance.

Case in point… me, and what I did for my W, thinking it would make her happy… when it wasn’t her LL. Now that I know what her LL is (and say doing chores is not something I “feel” like doing)… I would do those chores, because I love her, and want to make her happy. Does that make sense? I have to say that without know there is such a thing as a LL, that we tend to do things for the S that we would want done for us (though in my case... I don't like getting gifts... WOA are all I really want... mainly, I think, family-of-origin in nature).

Anyway, just looking for some feedback on this topic.

Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young