Ahem...'cuse me if I barge in your thread. I have been reading your sitch with close interest along with dismay.
Michele's post is one that I repsectfully disagree with [yes, I am afflicted with the preposition illness as well!]. It hinges on the fact that S is displaying consistent patterns of dishonesty that differs vastly from being truthful. It is not just a simple case of what I've posted over in H2H's thread: What I am saying here is that in SO's mind, he is not being untruthful, he is trying to be true to his own self by leaving out some painful information from you.
In my view, S. was going by the so-called "truthfulness" book in revealing the 2-hour long convo with SM on technical grounds. S.'s POV be damned!!!
Quote: Can you look at this sitch from his POV? He's what -- 42? No kids yet, right? He didn't expect you to get pregnant, he didn't anticipate being a father, did he? He has a lot of unexpected responsibilities which he has skillfully avoided thus far in his life. A generation ago, S. would be old enough to be a grandfather by now -- not a first time dad.
We all can try and put out the other person's POV for all the gold in the world---still does not detract from the fact that there's on-going tension and stress from the long shadow that SM projects on this R with a baby on the way! You know why? S will not come clean about the covert contacts with SM. Does this really make S "husband" material down the road??!
Quote: How about showing him just how un-controlling you can be? How about telling him how much you appreciate his telling you about the phone call? How about taking it down a notch and just letting it be?
Oh sure..unwittingly give SM the power to control the R from afar by trying to be "uncontrolling" as possible?It is one thing to express appreciation to S for revealing the phone call and allowing SM's continued phantom presence in the R as a non-physical third party person. Emails and phone calls are no less insidious than a PA itself! S is continuing his EA with SM from afar!
Quote: Would that move you closer to your goal, or not?
Is it? Or do you want to reveal the bald truth that the R is a non-starter as long as SM lingers on the scene? From my chair, all I see is that S consistently presents a pattern of dishonesty. He is dishonest to all four people intimately involved in this sitch: Himself, you, SM and the yet-to-be newborn baby. That is one HELL of damage not to mention the demolition project that is going on over at his house! In a way, S is sitting on the fence for a myraid of reasons and just wants to keep SM around for "just in case" which is a hellish way to begin parenthood!
