Jennifer, you have every right to be angry. What a situation! I'm not going to edit what I write to you so I apologize in advance if it seems too stream-of-consciousness.
What is your goal? I believe it's that you want a committed, vibrant M with S. Is that right? If so, is confronting him on SM's email going to bring you closer to making your goal a reality, move you further away or have no effect whatsoever?
Do you know if he opened her email? I gathered you snooped it. Do you know that he has read it, or deleted it without reading?
Can you look at this sitch from his POV? He's what -- 42? No kids yet, right? He didn't expect you to get pregnant, he didn't anticipate being a father, did he? He has a lot of unexpected responsibilities which he has skillfully avoided thus far in his life. A generation ago, S. would be old enough to be a grandfather by now -- not a first time dad.
He has the responsibility for renovations, too.
SM is offering him an alternative. An attractive, fantastic (meaning fantasy-like) alternative to the worries of his life. Who wouldn't rather think of misty London, canoodling in the corner, reading Anais Nin, wearing impossibly fashionable yet shabby clothes?
The more you make of this, the greater the contrast between you and SM. She's all loving and kind and caring, and you are controlling and ... what else?
Could you jumping on him be construed as controlling? Do you want to reinforce this idea he's got in his head?
How about showing him just how un-controlling you can be? How about telling him how much you appreciate his telling you about the phone call? How about taking it down a notch and just letting it be?
Would that move you closer to your goal, or not?
You're one smart cookie, cookie. Use your noggin and think this one thru before you act. You have a lot going for you now -- use it to your advantage.
