I simply don't know what to say that might console you. But I sure have plenty to say in regards to the Anti-S campaign.
Just going to vent. Maybe that will console you?
Quote: He said, “In the end, she said, ‘I’m sorry things aren’t better.’” For some reason, he also found it necessary to share with her our agreement that he not contact her. He told her it was because she had “been an issue” in our R, that we were working on it in T.
It sure sounds to me like the case of a whiny Wally (The Beav's older brother), who complains to his buddy (Eddie Haskell) that June and Ward won't allow him to go to an unsupervised party where loose girls, booze and drugs may be present. We both know that Eddie is the friend who leads him astray and to break promises that he made to his parents and which he knows are ultimately bad for him.
Of course, Ward and June forgive him by the end of the episode, because Wally is contrite and agrees not to cave into Eddie next time...
I say this because it sounds as though S is taking issue with your agreement... an agreement he bought into while in T to start working toward a goal of being with you.
If he didn't mean it, why didn't he say so? Then let you be the one who is allowed to re-evaluate your R with this knowledge? (See H2H's thread for relevance on disclosure.)
Quote: He told me, “She had an issue with an agreement not to talk to somebody.” I said “Well, that’s really none of her business.
She had the issue? I doubt it. If he had been telling her this with conviction and as a matter of fact, I doubt that she would have disagreed. Sounds like he's projecting his feelings and assigning them to her so you can transfer your feelings elsewhere (anyone but him).
I agree that if it had been executed from a position of love, this agreement is none of her business. So why on earth did he make it her business? I'm thinking the answer isn't altruistic or pure either.
BTW, sorry to be the downer who validates your vent. But I clearly take issue with his course of action, sweetie.
Quote: However, in a subsequent conversation (last night) he started digging in his heels about this, claims not to have understood that he wasn’t supposed to talk to her if she called (huh? I asked him if she were calling twice a week and they were talking for an hour each time, would he feel like it was violating our agreement), and basically got very angry with me, continuing on the “controlling” vein, picking and picking at what I was saying.
That's because he's projecting anger to you for making an agreement that he doesn't wholly buy into. (Sorry, the preposition thing seems to be all over this BB lately.) It's hard to mediate when one person is conceding but doesn't want to. That means on paper, compromise exists and both people get a fair decision. But in reality? It's passive-aggressive and really unfair. Who knows where the real bar lies?
Quote: (isn’t there some really ugly color I can put this in? Let's try Poo Brown).
Cover wee one's ears because I want to call a spade a spade: this color is sh!t brown!
Her e-mail totally sucks. And I find it fueling the fires that S doesn't need to be fanning. My guess is she's no innocent either. I'm really unimpressed with her as a person. No wonder you take issue with this woman.
Quote: Maybe he doesn’t care about the R with me at all – he just wants the baby. In which case, the focus of T needs to shift from our R to how to navigate co-parenting.
Are you ready to state this desire? Just want to make sure you think this through before you go for his jugular.
Big hugs! (And I mean mammoth ones...)
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey 
