Hurtling into the Future (Kicking & Screaming)

[Wendylon]

Dear Jennifer,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a difficult time.

Unfortunately, your complaints about S sound very familiar to me from my own life. I'm sorry to say that my experience is that the R can easily become even more polarized after the baby is born as opposed to during pregnancy. From my perspective now (from knowing my H and other Hs), I wouldn't even expect my H to be interested in a baby shower or to want to read the bilingualism booklet. As for baby clothes and stuff, I'd not even mention those to S.

By the way, I hope you're prepared for the fact that it is entirely possible that S is going to be exhausted after labour--totally and utterly exhausted. Labours always took a huge toll on my H. I never understood that as he even slept through a major portion of the third one.

By the way, before I sound too cynical, I want to point out that H is one of those progressive, baby-friendly Hs and yet all the above applies. I think having babies is a huge exercise in accepting how different you are from your S.

When I read your post, I felt compassion for how you're feeling and at the same time I wished I could save you pain and frustration and pass on what I've learned the hard way. I wish you could accept your S's differences for both your sakes. I really wouldn't expect your S to be interested right now in baby things. He isn't pregnant at all the way you are. I think it's a cheeseless tunnel to expect him to be into baby-related stuff. Forgive him for not being you.

I know it sounds unfair and not the way it should be. I think you'll save yourself a lot of pain though, if you start to consider that S could still be a fantastic parent without caring one hoot about the paraphernalia and stuff to do with the baby that will become relevant later.

I hope I don't sound preachy and know it all.

Big hug,

Wendy