Just thought I would pop in with something that goes through my head ALL the time.
It is called "Sex is FREE"
What do I mean by this?
Basically, it is the title I give to one of my major frustrations and I bet it is shared by many HD people on this board.
Here's how it works.
I make an okay living. All combined I would say we are pulling in just over 50k a year. We live in a small town. That is plenty of money for a nice three bedroom house, two cars and a vacation in the summer time.
My wife has never been a material person, so we are quite happy with our situation.
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So, I'm driving to work and I see a Porsche drive by. Would I like to drive a Porsche? Sure, I would...
can I afford one? nope.
do I want to work like a dog and give up other things to have one? nope.
I can accept this. A Porsche is simply not in my cards. I was not born with an oil well on my property and I have not one the lottery.
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I go to a buffet and they have dozens of delicious plates of food.
Can I eat 14 slices of cake? Sure, but I will gain 20 pounds and have to increase my exercise.
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A lady I work with is very attractive. Could I force her into the broom closet and have sex with her? Maybe, but I'm married and it is against my vows.
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So, you're wondering... what does this have to do with the sex is free part.
Everyday I am tempted by things I would like to have or do. One of the things that tempts me is my beautiful wife.
The major difference is that of all the things that tempt me one of them (my wife) is available. There she is... right there in bed beside me.
Does it cost anything for me to make love to my wife? no... just the cost of a condom.
Will I have to break a marriage vow to make love to my wife? no, as a matter of fact... I'm expected to ML to my wife.
Will I have to give up something to afford sex with my wife? no, sex with her is free and I do not need to give up or pay anything.
I guess it just seems to me like I'm wasting time. Just waiting for that next crumb to be tossed my way so I can gobble it up.
I think it is exactly this line of thinking that causes me to resent my wife.
Here's how it works...
I go through a checklist of all the reasons you CAN'T have sex in your life...
I'm an adult. I'm married to someone I find physically attractive She says she loves me We are both physically capable The kids are both at school I have the day off
Basically, to me by the time I've gotten this far down the list I'm wondering "just how many of our fantasies could we play out before the kids get home at 3pm...hmmmnn, that gives us 6 hours..." Boy, this is going to be fun...
NOPE
For the LD person, they are still thinking about the laundry, the loose board on the door, the errands to run, etc...
For the HD person, it's like "live life to the fullest - I want to run around the house naked and play with chocolate frosting..."
The resentment comes when you feel like the ONLY reason you are not having an awesome sexual experience is because of your partner.
You start saying things like "if it were up to ME, we would be having fun..."
"if it were not for his/her poor attitude..."
"the only thing stopping me from a great sex life is him/her"
It just kills me that we can sit there in a house all alone with the physical parts capable of extreme pleasure and what are we doing? cleaning the house...
I just keep trying to tell myself that without the emotional, mental desire there can be NO physical fun...
Yeah GS, I understand what you are saying. I particularly understand the part about the house being empty being an invitation to get naked to the HD and an opportunity to get caught up on chores to the LD. H and I are pretty good about setting up a date every few weeks (4 to 6) and I often think - "Great. Let's pull over on the side of the road after dinner and make out for 30 minutes." H thinks - "Great. We've had our time together and now it is time to get back back to the kids and real life." I also understand the feeling of "Boy, if I were in charge this M would be FUN!!" I guess the hardest part is starting a dialogue that helps you meet in the middle somewhere. Perhaps eventually each will come to enjoy the other's perspective on things.
Where would you rate your M on compromise in other areas? Are there lingering resentments there too? In mine I would have to say yes in some areas and no in others.
Not free at my house. I have to decide that I can live with the rejection of her saying no or even more, that I just want more sex or being made to feel that something is wrong with me for me wanting to have sex with my wife before I even bring it up. Then if I do bring it up or initiate, I might have to pay with the big arguement that ends in 'I am done with this conversation'. That is my real favorite.
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
Quote: For the HD person, it's like "live life to the fullest - I want to run around the house naked and play with chocolate frosting..."
To this, my W would likely say any or all of the following: 1. That's just sick! 2. ...and wasteful! 3. ...and messy! 4. ...and fattening! 5. ...and you have to use it to frost the cupcakes you're going to make for DD4's treat day tomorrow, for 25 kids, that I didn't tell you that you had to do until just now! 6. ...and tongues are icky! 7. ...and that's abnormal! Married people of our age just do not do those sorts of things! 8. ...and using frosting on my body is a desecration, and symbolizes men's objectification of women's bodies! 9. ...and asking me to spread frosting on your body clearly indicates your chauvinistic desire to force me into the traditional woman's role of mistress of the kitchen! 10. ...and there are starving children in Africa! 11. ...stop pressuring me!
Phew!
I just wrote those in about 3 minutes! Must need to get some aggression out this morning. You know, that typical male aggression, driven by testosterone, the poison.
