Well I left home a week ago (last friday night). I went to stay at my bro's while he is away. H told me that I might as well stay at our house for the weekend, I said no that I don't want to be at home while he leaves to go out with OW.
On Sunday night he called me and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I said okay, I got dressed nicely and we went to a nice restaurant. He told me I look great, we had a good time. Then we went back to our house and we talked for a bit and then I said I am leaving, he hugged me and then
we kissed and kept on kissing. Then I left. I didn't call home at all, I only replied to his calls (some of which I left unanswered.) My cousin is visiting from another country so I spent all day Monday with her and I went out with her after work on tuesday night.

On Wednesday we went for lunch at work and I acted normal, he seemed a bit quiet. He asked me if I was lonely, I said that I missed our family but I was okay.

That wednesday night he called me at 10pm and said that if I wanted to come home I could. I asked him if HE wanted me to come home. He replied that it was MY decision to make, that he just wanted me to know that I could come home if I needed to. I said NO, that I would come home on the weekend like I originally planned unless he really wanted me to come home. He said okay and we hung up. He called me back an hour later and asked me if I wanted to go for a few drinks by our house. I said okay, he said to wake him up if he fell asleep by the time I got there. He was sleeping, so I woke him up, but he didn't want to go out instead he asked me to stay and cuddle with him. So we fell asleep together.
In the morning he told me that we could just drive one car to work (we usually drive to and from work together), but I told him that I needed to drive because I was going out right after work with my cousin. He suggested he could drive me back home to pick up the car after work, but I told him NO cause there wasn't enough time and it would be rush hour traffic, so I wouldn't have enough time to drive back and forth.

I didn't call him at all after work and went out with my cousins. He called around 10pm, I answered and told him I was still out. He said to call him back later. I called him an hour later but there was no answer, so I went to my brothers house and got ready for bed.

He called me around 12 and said he was having a drink, he said he wanted me to come but I was out with my cousins and it was too late for me to meet him now. I said sorry, maybe next time. He quietly asked me if I had decided that I want a divorce? I said no. He asked if I was happy being alone, I said no, why? He replied that I SEEMED to be happy without him. Then he said he would call me back later.
An hour later he called, he was tipsy, he said a lot of stuff to me:

-that he really misses me and that he KNEW that he would
-that he was sad cause he wanted me to go out drinking with him tonight but I was busy
-that he wished I was sleeping at home so we could cuddle
-that I am probably right about him and OW not working out, but that we won't work either cause he doesn't think he can get past his resentment/anger for me
-that I am his best friend, that I am the one he talks to about everything - his nightmare is that he will want to talk to me about stuff but I won't be there.
-that I am a very good person
-that he feels like there is no happy ending to this disaster he caused, that he only sees pain no matter what he does (me or OW).

We talked a bit more and then he said he would call me when he got home. He called back and asked if I wanted to go out with him tommorow (friday night) I said sure, we could go to the movies. We hung up and went to bed. I didn't call him this morning and he phoned me first at work around 10 just to say hi.

Then today at lunch I asked him if we were still going to the movies? He said either tonight or tommorow (sat), depends on when/if our son goes to his biological mothers house. I asked him what time will he know, because if he and I aren't going out then I am going to do something else. He said he would call me. Then later he asked me what 'else' I had plans to do? I was honest and told him that I wanted to do some shopping and get some more work done at my brothers. (I try not to offer info about what I am doing to create some mystery, but I won't lie if asked directly). He said okay and that I should just do what I need to do and we could always go to the movies tommmorow. Especially since he doesn't know what is happening tonight with our son yet. (I think already made plans with OW for tonight and forgot when he asked me out, but whatever, I am sure he will get drunk when he is with her, and I know he will be texting/calling me telling me how much he misses me! HAHA)

Anyways I see a lot of positives, but I have heard them all before and he still goes back to her, so I am not getting my hopes up. But this is the first time in almost 2 years that he sees what its like to live in the REAL world without me, as opposed to the FANTASY world with OW and without me, and he doesn't like it too much, so maybe this time will be different?

Another positive thing that I realized that it is much easier for me to be without H when I am alone and AWAY from home, than it is when I stay alone AT our home. At home I am always anxious, waiting for him to get home, and I always have so much work to do taking care of our boy and the house. It was great to be on my own this week and not worry about anything but me, I could do what I want when I want. I missed my family, but I didn't miss the stress....This was a sample of what my life would be if we split up, since I would be the one leaving and he would still have the responsibility of his family. It wasn't as bad for me as I thought it would be. Of course it was only a week and I don't really know how I will feel if it was permanent, but at least I know I will be able to cope on my own without moping around. I was actally excited that I didn't have anyone to answer to for a whole week, very relaxing, like a vacation.

thanks for reading and I will update more when I get a chance, I will be going home tommorow....