What To Do When Your Spouse Leaves You Feeling Lonely
Proverbs 30 is not an often-quoted chapter from the Bible, but you really ought to read it regularly. It contains some expressive and significant truths...and one that really connects with what I'm going to share over the next few minutes.
It's found in Proverbs 30:21-23. I'll bold the specific portion relevant to today's teaching:
"Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up: a servant who become king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress."
Wow! I think every wife has felt this way in relation to her husband at one time or another. Yet feeling lonely, unwanted - even unloved - in a marital relationship is obviously not God's design for you.
Let me give you three proactive things you can do you change your perspective, and impact your marriage. I'll also show you how one woman from Scripture - Leah, in the book of Genesis (chapters 29-33) - failed to do these things...and how the Lord brought blessing into her life anyway. You'll go away today informed and encouraged - so read on!
Tell him how you feel
It all starts with this. But be sure to be specific in your communication with him. Don't just tell him how you feel, but lovingly express how his behavior - or lack thereof - is affecting you. The more focused your communication, the more likely it is he'll connect with what you're saying and know how to change his actions. Leah failed to do this with her husband Jacob. He "loved Rachel more than Leah" (Genesis 29:30), but Scripture never says that Leah attempted to explain to him how his negligence impacted her. Instead, she thought having children would win his love (Genesis 29:32-34), but it didn't work.
Get behind his eyes
Not only must you speak to your husband about how you feel but, if you're mature enough, try to get behind his eyes and figure out why would he's not treating you the way you need. Maybe he's feeling depressed. It could be that he's going through a tough time himself. I like to remember this little saying: "when people aren't getting enough in they don't have anything left to give out." Doing this will give you an appreciation of possibly why he's been making you feel lonely or unwanted - not in order to excuse his behavior, but to give you some vital insight. Leah never attempted to get behind the eyes of Jacob. Instead, she was largely self-focused, particularly when it came to her competition with sister Rachel for Jacob's affection. Ask yourself: Where are you self-centered, and how is it keeping you from seeing your husband's point of view?
Look to yourself and God
If you're trying to get all of your emotional needs met by anyone, especially your husband, you're going to be sorely disappointed. I encourage you to continue to develop your personal life, have healthy same-sex relationships outside of your marriage, and nurture the whole person through having a more intimate relationship with God. That way, if there's something missing in your marriage, it won't devastate you or cause you not to be able to function.
Leah didn't begin moving beyond looking to Jacob alone to meet her needs until she had her fourth son. It was Judah - and when she gave birth to him, Leah finally changed her focus. "This time I will praise the Lord" (Genesis 29:35).
Leah obviously made many mistakes in relating to her husband and expressing her pain to him. Yet in spite of all this, the Lord still blessed her by what I like to call the "law of divine compensation." When God saw that Leah was unloved, he opened her womb (Genesis 29:31). When your loving Lord sees that you are hurting and lonely, He'll opens up other things in your life, to sort of level the field a bit. It's significant, I think, that Jesus Christ came through the lineage of Leah, not Rachel. God chose to let His Son, your Savior, come through Leah's family tree.
Here's a closing thought. Take some time to read the five chapters dealing Leah's life. Then take the lessons learned from this unloved woman, deal with your loneliness, and find your strength in God for healing and restoration
Hmmmm, does that mean I should tell H how I feel about this wedding??? Ooooooo, scary!!!!
