If you could just be happy, right? But how do you get there? The path from a troubled marriage to personal happiness is not so simple, is it?
I was doing a phone session just the other day when Jack said to me, "I've got to get out of this marriage. I've got to find happiness for ME."
In fact, it's quite common for people in an unhappy marriage to think that happiness is just on the other side of divorce. Somehow it became their spouse's fault that they're unhappy. It's ironic. When we're single, we'll be happy when we meet someone. Once we're married, we think we'll be happy when we're single.
But you know deep down, that you can't be happy alone. Your life is meant to be part of another life.
If you focus on YOUR happiness; happiness will elude you. But if you focus on your marriage, you'll find happiness for YOURSELF. In other words, being happy is NOT the result of YOU trying to be happy. It's the CONSEQUENCE of you creating a successful marriage with your spouse.
Pursuing happiness is like a boomerang; if it comes back to YOU, then you've missed the target.
It's like good sex. Research shows that the more you focus on having good sex, the more good sex eludes you. The key to good sex is good physical conditioning and a deep EMOTIONAL connection. In other words, good sex is not something you pursue; it's something that ensues.
It's the same with your happiness. It's not something you pursue; it's something that ensues from efforts that transcend yourself.
The hardest time to focus on your marriage is when you're frustrated with your spouse. I know that. I know you'd rather turn inward. But if you do, you'll narrow your existence. You'll close yourself in. You'll shield your pain (to some extent), but you'll also turn your back on your only hope.
You've got to turn and face the darkness in your life. And I don't mean face it for a couple of weeks and then give up because "it didn't work." The key to most marital circumstances is ENDURANCE. If took you years to get yourself into this mess, it's going to take more than a couple of weeks to get yourself out of it.
