Mel..of course you are right again!! See, you are thinking pretty clearly!!
A friend and I were just talking about the same thing today! I guess great minds think alike, huh?!!
Quote: Try something new and see what happens. Stop talking and just start wafting around the house all sexy and calm and content and let him wonder what the heck you're up to.
Ok, so this is my new goal. It think all in all, if I just do what I want, it will make me feel better. You are right, asking for something is just setting me up for an answer I might not want to hear! So, Im just going to take. H has been ok with this so far, so I am just going to "love" him that way I want to love him and hopefully he will just follow the lead!
I've read your thread for a few months and I just want to say that I think you're a wonderful person and a great wife! I'm sorry your H isn't meeting all of your needs right now You certainly deserve it!
I don't have any advice really accept to do what others have said. Do things to raise your PMA. Have you ever went and got a massage? Feels great and is SO relaxing. The bath idea is great too. Or, if it looks like an evening with H is gonna tank.. do you have a friend you could call and go hang out with? Just say "H, if you're tired and not up to anything, I think I'll go hang out with XXXX for awhile. I have some energy to burn!" A drink and a good laugh with a friend might take your mind off what H is missing out on. And it is him that's missing the boat on this one!
Quote: I don't have any advice really accept to do what others have said. Do things to raise your PMA. Have you ever went and got a massage? Feels great and is SO relaxing. The bath idea is great too. Or, if it looks like an evening with H is gonna tank.. do you have a friend you could call and go hang out with? Just say "H, if you're tired and not up to anything, I think I'll go hang out with XXXX for awhile. I have some energy to burn!" A drink and a good laugh with a friend might take your mind off what H is missing out on. And it is him that's missing the boat on this one!
Thats some good advice and I had to take it tonite!! All day H was sitting around watching football. So I suggested we hang out all night, drink beer and watch football. Well, instead he decided to call up some buddies and went out with them. AND, he wont come home until tomorrow!! So..when he was in shower getting ready, instead of sitting here and crying..I got all sexied up, looking "hot" if I might say, and H asked where I was going. First, I said, "oh, I thought I would go with you"..hee hee..then I said, "well, since you arent going to be home, Im going to go out to eat." Then he asked, "where are you going" and I said "why" and he said, "well, you are so dressed up" and I said, "well,I like to dress up and look nice" hee hee..im so evil...and at the time, I had really no plans!! (Thanks to 2 good friends, I got through this w/out a fight w/ H) H later asked me, "how come lately when I want to go to Ft Collins, you make me feel bad?" to which I replied, "I am sorry if I made you feel bad, honestly that was not my intention. I just get frutrated that none of my friends here want to go out and party and I still do. I dont mean to make you feel that way, I guess I just get jealous. Honestly, I wouldnt mind going with you up to Ft Collins every once in a while, just so I can go out. I dont think that is too much to ask". He had no comment, but it felt good to let him know how I felt. Before he left, he asked if I needed any money..hee hee, I said no.....(trying to be my independent self). When he said he was leaving, I went up to him, hugged him to death, and kissed his cheek AND his lips..and he kissed me back. Now, if I would have been thinking, I woulud have given him a REALLY GOOD KISS, instead of just a peck. Oh well, next time. Then I told him to drive safe, drink safe and see him tomorrow!!
OH---earlier, before he left, I said to him, "you should not drink so much and come home tonite" and he said why and I said, "so we can get naughty"...now seriously..how many wives say that!!! I bet his "single" friends he is going out with wouuld rather stay home with a woman that wants THAT, instead of going out with a bunch of college kids....BLECH!! Oh well, whatever, its his loss...
I am drinking a wine and going to leave an empyty beer bottle ...just to make my H curious..!!
A good friend asked me to a movie with her and her H, so at least I will get out of the house tonite..will be good for me..would really suck to have to sit home and think about H being out with bunch of college girls!!
Turn a disadvantage into an advantage; embrace that which is unfair. --Eileen Fehlen
We have all heard the saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." We may have been certain at times that a particular batch of lemons was far too sour to be redeemed. But we do not know what lesson might be in store for us in a particular set of circumstances. We can be certain only that God is in charge of the lesson and the outcome. Our part is to stay positive and hopeful, and to trust, to turn our life and our will over to God.
Embracing that which seems unfair is merely showing our loving Higher Power that we trust the ebb and flow of our lives. It doesn't mean that we love what is happening; instead, it means that we are willing to let go and let God direct our actions. Though letting go may be difficult at first, when we grow accustomed to it, we will feel a great burden lifted from our shoulders. Giving our life to God to manage means giving ourselves freedom to laugh and play more. We deserve the relief. We deserve the joy this guarantees. And we will find it!
I deserve a peaceful, joy-filled life. If I let God help me today, I will feel so much better.
2much - thanks for dropping by my thread. The thing you posted about "ILYBINILWY" was right on. I've never seen it explained before and that made it so much clearer. It also gave me a bit of direction. Now I'm looking for some ways that I can throw some excitement back in to the mix and make him see that "it" is still really there.
I hope you're doing well. I'm glad you got your H thinking you were really heading out for a party this weekend. Bet he couldn't stop wondering about it all night long! Good for you!
Sometimes we expect much too much of people and things. We will never be happy if we expect our doctor to work instant cures or if we blame our teacher for what we failed to learn. We need to examine what's realistic to expect of others and what we are responsible for ourselves.
JOurnaling: Was kind of rough weekend. Maybe had breakthrough with H, because last nite, he started rubbing my leg...at first thought it was because he wanted to "fool around' but he just kept rubbing it. Nice...so I told him thanks for rubbing my leg and good nite! Guess we will see if it lasts or not!
I hope you guys dont mind me sharing these things with you...I get them in my emails and are some really good reading sometime...
Are you hurting? Has your spouse neglected you? Rejected you? Emotionally abused you?
Are you struggling to get over the pain of an affair?
If you're having marital trouble, the chances are good that you need to put some hurt behind you.
It's one of the most common questions I get. "Mort, I want to make my marriage work. But how do I get over the past?"
Here's the key.
The first step is to realize what you're REALLY trying to accomplish. What does it REALLY mean to get over the past?
You can't change what happened. There's no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What's done is done.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that your situation is hopeless. What I'm saying is that you first have to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past (as I'll explain). But you canNOT change events that already occurred.
The good news though , is that you don't have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.
Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, "Why is this happening to me?" But then a few years later you looked back and you answered that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it wasn't so bad.
In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!
It's the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it's your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past.
It's interesting to think about this in the context of an age-old question: Do we have free choice or is everything predetermined? The answer is YES. Everything is predetermined AND we have free choice.
It's like when you play a card game. You get dealt a hand. And you have no control over the cards you get dealt. It's predetermined.
But you also get to play that hand. You also have free choice.
Ultimately, it's the COMBINATION of the hand you're dealt and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And it's the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand you were dealt.
I don't know if you're familiar with the Bible, but it's interesting to note that in Chapter 1 of Genesis, God says, "Let US make man in our image." look at that verse again: "Let US make man in our image." Who is "us?" Who is God talking to? There wasn't anyone created yet.
The answer is: God is talking to US. He's talking to me. He's talking to YOU. And He's saying that YOU are partners with Him in the creation of your life.
God deals you a hand. There's nothing you can do to change that. But you get to play that hand. You get to respond to the events of your life. And it's your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.
So how do you get over the past? You don't have to get over the past. The past is over! What's important is the MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING of your past is determined by your actions in the future.
The people I know who have the best marriages are people who went through hell in their relationship. They "got over" their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation. In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage. And many people I know began this process WITHOUT their spouse.
If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED marriage. THAT'S how you "get over" the past.
It's strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your hand right, your hurts become part of your healing. And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it's usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways.
I just popped in here and saw this, it's great! A few months ago I read a book titled Back from Betrayal, it gave me inspiration just as your post has again. I feel strength! Thank you for sharing.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
You certainly deserve it! 