Mellanie, is it safe to say that you may never again trust your H because of his infidelity? I never betrayed my W, never touch OW, but does it count?
I think it's safe to say that. I may never trust H again, but it's not just the infidelity. It's the continued pattern of lies and deceit. One time, a one night stand, that maybe could be forgiven as a mistake. But, in my case, it has continued and is still going on more than 2 years later. He has told me countless numbers of times that it was over. I don't think he ever even tried to break it off with her.
He says that I have not owned my part in this mess. I have, to the point that at one time, I was taking all of it on myself. Then I realized that I did not force him to sleep with her, to lie to me, to lie to his employer, etc.
He made choices along the way and those choices destroyed the trust and emotional connection we had. We had a pretty good life. That life is gone.
Does it count that you never slept with another woman? To me it would. If H had been able to stop at an emotional involvement, I think we could have gotten over that, if I knew, without a doubt, that it was over. I told H tonight that 6 months without a hint of another woman might make an impression on me. I don't think he could do it. I don't know if he needs a woman that badly that he can't live without for that long or what, but I don't think it's too much to ask.
In my opinion, H needs to make some major changes in his life before I would be willing to let him into my life again, before I could feel safe enough to say some of the things that 2Much has been able to say to her H. I know that this is a change that I would have to make, because I will not go back to the walking on eggshells that I did around H. I would have to be able to call him on some of the insensitive and critical things he's said to me. I don't want to take that from anyone ever again.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
