Hi 2much, I've just been skimming through your thread and it looks like you are on a wonderful path! Please, for those of us who would love to learn from you, what do you think were the things that helped save your M? How did you turn it around? I feel like there are ongoing positives in my sitch, but after nearly eight months, my H is still saying he wants out. Does that mean I'm not making the right changes? Or that it needs more time? Any thoughts would be most appreciated. Cheers, Gib
Without reading your thread (maybe I will get to it later today) I dont know what you have or have not been doing. Is your H telling you he still wants out or is that just the "vibe" you are getting from him?
Honestly, I do not think H honestly knew that he was ready to stay in this marriage until about April, 8 months after the EA ended. It took a long time for him to get to where he is now, and only now am I starting to really feel that he is here to stay and it took a year!!
Most of what I did, was working on myself. I didnt pressure H at all. Of course there were couple times I did some dumb stuff and thought it was all over, but then I just stepped back and gave H some space and things eventually blew over.
Just be patient. Is he still at home and saying those things? If he is, it just might mean that he is still unsure, but if you are seeing positives, just focus on those. Continue to work on you and make positive changes in yourself and he will soon see that those changes are for real. Has your H ever told you any of the things that we consider Love Busters? Have you worked on those things?
I will try to read your thread later today....hang in there!!
2much - relax and enjoy your weekend. No matter what happens you can't control H, so don't worry about it. I don't think you have anything to worry about anyway.
Well, I had a great weekend! Was nice to see friends again! You know they are good friends when you only see them once a year and we can act like we see each other every day! We went out friday night and found a dance club. I LOVE TO DANCE, by the way! It was such a great time...BUT..I drank too much! We got back to hotel and I layed down on the floor and stayed there for couple hours...next morning..I was so sick! But forced myself to get up finally around 2 pm. I felt so bad, but couldnt do anything in the morning I was throwing up! Funny thing is, I usually text H goodnite when we are apart, but that night I couldnt. The next morning, he called me..I said I was still resting and he said, ok, call me back. Hee hee, I think it got him wondering. He then called back again later...( I dont think I initiated a call the whole weekend, which its usually the other way around)I told him how much fun we had, etc. Saturday night, he asked if we were going out and I said, no, we were too tired...he said they might, but later when I DID text him goodnite, he said they were all about asleep and werent going out..(it was only 9:30 there!) Funny! I got home late Sunday night and went up and kissed him and hugged him and told him I missed him, but he was laying on the couch, so wasnt the best hug. We both were tired, so went to bed and watched TV. I kept catching him "watching" me..it was weird, but nice.
Monday was my birthday and yes, I woke up with NO expectations. I got up, H was still asleep and went and made some coffee. Then I heard TV on in bedroom, so I went in and went to my side of the bed and H asked, "you gonna get back into bed" and I said, "yes, I wante to just lay here with you and watch tv". Then a bit later he said, "Happy Birthday" and I said thanks! After a while we got up and then I asked H if he wanted breakfast and he said sure..then I said, it would be nice if you would make some then. So, he did. I thanked him for breakfast and he said, "Maybe I should take you our for supper for your birthday," and I said, "that would be great" We did have a pretty good day..a lot of lounging, but it was nice doing it together. We had a great time going out, we laughed, talked a lot and smiled at each other lots. It was such nice time. First time in 3 years I had a good bday with H!!
Before we went to sleep last night, I said to H " So, could I get a kiss goodnight from you on the lips?" and he said yes. Wasnt the best, because he was almost asleep, but hey, its a step in the right direction, right?!!
I'm new here and read your whole thread. What a beautiful story! I hope I am on that road. H and I are still physically (but not legally) separated, and have been for about 3.5 wks. We are going to counselling weekly, and are going to Retrouvaille this weekend. He also will hug me but absolutely NOT kiss me on the lips. I was so glad to read that your H finally did that! Hurray!!!
2much! That sounds like a great weekend. And he did special things for your birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm so happy for you. You deserve so much to be happy.
Got this in my email...thought it was some good reading...
September 6, 2005 Opportunities to Grow Life Lessons While we may not recognize it at the time, every challenge we face is ultimately an opportunity to bring more love and higher consciousness into our lives. The obstacles we encounter every day - whether great trials or minor bumps in the road - provide us an opportunity to learn and to grow. By placing obstacles in our path, the universe focuses our attention on life lessons that, on a deeper level, we wish to comprehend more fully. If we choose to, we can view any disharmony in our daily lives as an invitation to shed an old belief or behavior pattern in favor of a more enlightened one.
The challenge is to recognize the lesson being offered by a given situation. Often we learn about a positive quality by experiencing its opposite. An impulse toward anger may teach us about love or acceptance. A sense of constraint may teach us about freedom. A situation that appears beyond our control may prompt us to discover our own role in its creation. The lessons presented to us may encourage us to develop soul qualities such as humility, patience, or forgiveness.
Sometimes we are too involved in our present difficulty to find that higher perspective is more easily recognized in hindsight. Yet this doesn't mean we are without the tools to deal with it. Regardless of the size and nature of your difficulty, an attitude of love and gratitude will move you through it more easily and bring resolution more quickly. When difficulties arise, hold a loving thought for yourself and for whoever else is involved. Challenge yourself to find something in the situation to be grateful for, no matter how small, and thank the universe for it. This shift in attitude will shift the situation and your perspective, and it will bring you closer to that deeper understanding your soul is seeking on your behalf. Life lessons don't always come packaged the way we expect them to, and it is sometimes these lessons that ultimately bring us the greatest joy.
