Well....the party last nite turned out pretty well. H was little upset about some of our so called "good friends" not showing up. He did good job of "mingling" with our friends. Last year, he pretty much hung out with the single friends and didnt talkto anyone else, so I was glad to see that. OW's siser is so nice to me...cant hardly believe they are sisters!! BLECH!!! But like I said,she doesnt know about affair, well at least I dont think she does. She was talking about her wedding and saying how we should really come...YEA RIGHT!!! I DO NOT THINK SO!!! Its New Years Eve in Montana anyways and we are always at home over Xmas til New Years, so no chance. I dont think H would even consider it, THANK GOD!

I woke up this morning and so many thought entered my head. Next weekend is my birthday AND also a year since H and OW broke off affair. H went to Vegas to see her (yea, nice huh, weekend of my b-day) and I went to CA to see some friends, same friends H and I went to visit in May. I hope some day this "annivesary" will not enter my mind anymore. YUCK! Too many of their "anniversaries" of them being together....I hate it!

So, first off, with my b-day, I will have no expectations, even though if H would ask me what I want...there is one thing I want....more PT! Can I ask for that?? Yesterday, before party, but because I was feeling a little insecure, I went up to H and asked for a big hug. I got one! Was nice...made me feel better starting out the night like that.

Its been a year...where should we be? What goals should I have now? Are we in a good enough place for me to ask for things? When I do ask, he usually will do things I ask for? So is asking the best way? I asked a while back about this and people suggested telling him when I appreciate things he does to get him to do more. I do this with everything he does, but the things he does not do, this will not work. So how do I go about getting him to do these things? It seems like the more I get him to do PT, the more comfortable he is getting with it. So if I dont put any expectations on him, he might always be uncomfortable doing these things until he does get to a certain comfort zone, right? It goes the same for me, I am still uncomfortable talking to H about certain things, but the more I try to do it, the easier it is getting and will get. I am working on these things and I think maybe H would too if he knew that it was important to him. I dont want to be the WAS in a couple years because I am not getting MY needs met and I am doing so much for H.
H has agreed to go away with me for weekend in October..(for our Anniversary, but I didnt say that was what if was for) Im sure he knows, but I thought if I made it BE about that, it might be too intimidating. So it seems that we are still taking some great steps forward. I am VERY happy, and I love what H and I are becoming, but I am not ready to just sit back and let it be, you know what I mean? I know M is work, believe me, its why we got to where we were before, we both stopped working. I will not let that happen again, but I also feel that H has to do his part also. Its just getting him to do it, I just dont know how....