Here is some stuff from the Marriage Fitness book that I thought was interesting.
This is the solution to most marital situations! Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND ENERGY building your relationship through POSITIVE ACTIONS.
It's counter intuitive, but if you strengthen your relationship, most of your problems will dissipate and what remains of them can be more easily resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving marital environment.
Before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will with each other.
If your marriage is stressed, do NOT tackle your problems. If your timing is off, trying to solve problems with your spouse will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you'll ever find resolution.
Now you can see why Marriage Fitness is fundamentally different from any other approach to relationship success. It’s not about conflict-resolution or communication skills because these are NOT the key to renewing a marriage. The key is NOT to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.
And there are, in fact, specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to make things right in your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable--you can "make" love.
So here I have been all worried about us "talking" about what happened, or discussing just where H is in this M, when all I need to be doing is focusing on now and what is working NOW.
