I am 45, and my W is 32. One of the impetuous’ of the sitch we are in, as that she felt that I wasn’t an adult. Where it came to responsibility, I have to agree. I was an even-Steven type of guy. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. So… grew to resent me, and felt we had a parent/child relationship (I don’t know if that’s the way she currently feels… I’ve grown up in that regard). However, I now am starting to feel that she is immature where it comes to love and the responsibility to keep it going. Just because ILYBINILWY at this time… doesn’t mean it’s time to just bail. There has to be some work to try and save it (if that has not been attempted, which in our case, we have not, as I say, “done the hard stuff”)
It is a choice, and as adults we need to recognize that. It was scary to read in the 5LL that 60% of second marriages (this is my second), and 75% of third marriages (this is her third) end in D. I wonder what the percentage for 4th… if she does end up getting D’ed from me, and getting M’d in the future). I honestly feel bad for her. I don’t want this failure (if it ends up that way) to be on her conscience for the rest of her life. I am not sure she realizes that she can choose to love me again (and refill her “Love Tank”… which I know is on E) Should she make that choice to love me?… I don’t know. Would she be better off without me, no, I truly don’t feel that way. I am not saying I am the most perfect guy in the world… that I am arrogant enough to feel that I am the only one who could ever love her, or as much, as I do… one of her XH actually said that about himself!. I may have not understood her LL, but I sure as hell didn’t ignore her, quite the contrary.
I just wish that she would see that.
Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. – Alexa Young
