This so sucks!! I finally had OW out of my head...probably hadnt even thought about her in couple months...now my mind is totally consumed by her!!

I wonder is she was the one who said something to her sister to call and invite everyone to Vegas?? H has not talked to OW sister in long time, so why out of the blue would she call him?? UUGGHH! I dont know if H and OW have had any contact lately...the last time I knew they were in contact was in December, before we went away on our trip. Haven't checked H email to know otherwise. Dont want to know..only makes it harder to concentrate on us. But if I look at the positives:

1. H and I had wonderful weekend last weekend. Spent lots of time together, talking, laughing, having great time and made wonderful love together.
2. H continues to share things about his "life" with me.
3. H played tennis with me last night and told me I did good job.
4. H and I are refinancing house to put some debt together and buy another car.
5. H continues to help me with household chores w/out having to be asked.

.....the list could go on....so why am I worried? If he is happy at home and happy with me, then why would he want to be with OW again? He wouldnt, right? I wish we could talk about this..but not sure if he would or not. I want to know if he now knows that what he thought he wanted with OW was just fantasy...HS crush, it wasnt true love. I want him to tell me that he knows things would have never worked out between them, because he really didnt love her. I want him to tell me that they could never be anything other than friends (something that I could live with, if he just told me that). I have so much on him that could ruin both of their lives if I really wanted to....other than me, there were maybe 6 other people that knew about the affair. NOT her H or anyone in her family, except her mom and only 2 of H friends and his mom (his sister too, cuz I told her).Those being the "close" people in their lives.

Im scared to ask H if he is planning on going to Vegas...afraid of his answer and reaction. I thought about maybe just saying, "So when is this Vegas trip supposed to take place? Cuz I was thinking maybe we could invite B and L (married friends of ours) to meet us?" Then see what he would say. We have talked about meeting those guys in Vegas sometime anyways, so what could it hurt? Right?

I HATE being afraid to talk to my H about things like this. It sucks!! The anxiety kills me....takes me days to just work myself up enough courage to talk about it!! But I guess that is normal after all that we have been through in the past year.

Ok, any advice about this would be great....I want to tell H "ILY". I have not said this since.....hmmmmm...I cant even remember. I do feel those words need to be a part of a M and w/ out saying it, I dont know...I just dont feel like we are "complete". I guess it wont hurt to say it, right?? But, with no expectations of him saying it back. I can do that..I just want him to know...just in case he might not really think I totally do. Any suggestions???