Well you do have a challenging sitch - your W is smart, skilled as a lawyer, and determined not to appear weak to herself or to anyone else. You can't make her over; can't turn her into an HDW; but I hope you can slowly impress on her the benefits to your R of a more regular SL. Gosh, it's not such a novel concept. On another thread (sorry I forget which) someone suggested that an HDH find an older woman to advise his LDW that a good SL is crucial to a good marriage. Clearly, that's likely to be difficult, because most LDW's are not used to or comfortable talking about sex with their friends. Perhaps the MC can fill that role. The fact that she's a woman may help your W's trust level.
Regarding her feelings about her own sexuality, I pass on the following FWIW: Our MC recommended the following book: "Woman Who Love Sex" by Gina Ogden who is a therapist in Cambridge MA. Unfortunately I'm only halfway through it, having been interrupted by Schnarch's PM arriving in the mail, but I liked what I read so far. The title is more sensational than the book, which one reviewer on Amazon describes as: "a feminist perspective on sexual pleasure for women" and another as: "a readable and woman-affirming book". It basically seems to deal with a whole spectrum of women, not just HD women. I don't know if it would appeal to your W, but you might look at it. I found it encouraging and hopeful.
Re dogs: MrDL and I have been married almost 33 years and until we had to put down our 4th dog this winter, we had never been without a dog for more than a few weeks - each was adopted from a shelter, several at age 4 or so, so their life with us was limited by the fact that they were already adult when they joined our family. Dogs were always a given part of family life, especially to our kids, but now it has been 6 months without a dog. Several family events have preoccupied us, and I must admit that although life may be less joyful without the unconditional love of a waggy-tailed dog greeting us at the door, on the other hand there sure is a lot less vacuuming to do. So we'll see if we get another.
Hang in there, Doglover
Quote: Yes, I have shared SSM with her. She ended up using passages from it that supported her viewpoint against me, and minimizing the "just do it" approach. So, that was a bust.
Also, I went through a period during which I was trying to prove to her what a "normal" sex life was like. Big mistake. She got very defensive. Claimed I was telling her she was abnormal. Currently, she is in about the same place I was back then; trying to prove her "normality" and show that I have abnormal expectations.
I, too, wish she could see the potential benefits that may come to her if she tried and ended up enjoying it. Yes, her hubby would be happier, more responsive, more loving; but beyond that, she may find out that she has been really out of touch with her body and with her sexuality and with her womanhood, and that ML can help foster those discoveries.
Yeah, right, she'd say. Just another rationalization to try to get me into bed.
But I shall continue my quest.
BTW, I'm a doglover, too. Three Boxers. W and I used to run a boxer rescue organization.
Hairdog
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
